illuminations colour my tongue
bitter faded greens long for yellows
the sweetness that once filled the air
no longer resides in trinkets and treasures
but I yearn to bury the exalted Queen
burn to taste the salts once more
then I will reclaim what was always mine
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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beautiful!
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great poem, i loved how you tapered the ending. those strong words in the end that leave me feeling kind of smitten.
if you're still interested in crits, i strongly suggest removing 'that' in the first two lines; also 'and' in line two, and lastly "I" that begins your 5th line. i am partial to minimalist writing, and i think it would bring this together cleanly, nice and tight.
beautiful words, and nice to be back here. i am overdue.
have a lovely day!
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this is a very lovely short poem! i love your use of colors to describe your sensations. this might just be me being all OCD, but i think that punctuation would make this a bit easier to read. thats just me though
excellent poem! i have missed your writing!
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Thanks for your comments. The colours were inspired by synethesia, which I think might be somewhat familiar to you. I miss my writing too
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i thought so, but i didnt want to say anything because i wasnt sure, lol
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I enjoy colour imagery - you know that
I think you mean "longer" instead of "long" - but other than that this is oddly intriguing I think some expanding on the Queen would be nice ... but that is just my opinion
Polly
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