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Kattywig

Each drop fell upon soft sponge like mass
Soaked into a solace refuge awaiting consumption

Warm gentle ray like vistas of color
Bright introspective in design, caressed
the multitude of layers

While heated slowly moisture permeates beneath
Refusing its refuge, denying its whole
For the want of others

Mortality awaits within a shelled mass
Feeding off birth right desires
Handed down by wise extensive arms
Out stretched within reach of only
Currents of passion

Flotation speaks softly
Expelling words written on parchment of rose petal dust
Dew drop ink  The affection

Imposed upon by a feathered parachute
towards an impervious destination
Hindered only by distortion
beneath withering protrusion

Innocent
Exposed to a whim of a design unknown to it self
But apart of the whole

Reaches the end of the journey
but not the conclusion

Hence
The beginning


Author notes

Relationship--A connection between things---------

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • rinzurajan
    November 15
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    nice usage of metaphors...

    good luck


  • Shantti silver member
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely choice of vocabulary and elloquantly worded.

    Flotation speaks softly
    Expelling words written on parchment of rose petal dust
    Dew drop ink The affection

    Excellent writting
    Thank you for entering


  • dutch2lips gold member
    July 28
    Edit | Reply
    thank you for entering


  • shiratikva
    July 25
    Edit | Reply
    nice words...interesting write


  • xmiasmatik
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    this is good freeverse.


  • ParadoxicalMetaphor
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    this is great write. i enjoyed your imagery. it reminded me of a kaleidescope.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Great work I enjoyed reading this one!
    Good luck to you in all of your contests here.
    Thanks for sharing it!




    Jeremy0826

  • Juno101
    July 19

    Edit | Reply
    yo, i think you described things in a sort of creative way and the imagery was good. the ending is also a bit thought provoking. thanks for joining my moresome.


  • Cyanide Dreams
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, alot of contests this was in.

    I liked the imagery of this piece and how this was structured well. Your emotions are very enjoyable to read out, and I like how by the end you leave the reader pushing their own thoughts into the poem. Great job and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • DancingRed
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    "upon soft sponge" - nice image and clever sibilance!

    I like how the fifth line begins uncapitalised. Perhaps other lines only need capitalisation when you're beginning a new sentence?

    Maybe you could have used a bit of punctuation to guide the reader. We like to know when to pause to take breaths when reading. This line might work better with a comma, for example:

    "Refusing its refuge, denying its whole"

    Thanks for entering.
    DancingRed.


  • happy kitty kat
    July 2
    Edit | Reply

    i am sorry

    but this is definetly longer than 20 lines. try and enter another, shorter poem

  • Abnormal
    June 27
    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem. The imagery is great and I like the way you've written it.


  • Danna Hobart
    June 25
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering.


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    June 16
    Edit | Reply
    A very good write. Love the imagery and metaphore. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    This is a gorgeous write; nicely crafted and a unique piece
    Thankyou so much for entering this piece in my contest, and I wish you the best of luck!

    ♥ Maria ♥


  • NitroCircus
    June 12
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. It is unique. thank you for entering

  • shiratikva
    June 12
    Edit | Reply
    Good piece of poetry.
    "Especially I like these lines:
    "Mortality awaits within a shelled mass
    Feeding off birth right desires
    Handed down by wise extensive arms
    Out stretched within reach of only
    Currents of passion"
    I suggest you to read rules of any contest you enter.
    Can you put the quote you choose in the Author Notes?
    Thank you for entering, good luck!


  • Olivias Violin
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    An interesting poem
    Thank you for sharing your work


  • English.Muffin silver member
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    i like this, it incorporates many of the quotes i asked for, its elegant and thought provoking, something i would like to write. I especially like the flow of the poem, and enter a few more contests, its how you get known! thanks for entering


  • lie
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    I don't think you could enter this in anymore contests. eh?
    It is a nice poem, though. Tough in abstractions and oxymoron. The ending was solid.


  • shiratikva
    June 7
    Edit | Reply
    You should write a quote you choose in AN


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    June 5
    Edit | Reply
    This is a good piece, man it's entered into a lot of contests! Best to you in the contest


  • Red Rocket
    June 5
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Poet:

    Please do not reply to this comment as the contest is anonymous. I have a couple recommendations for revision: 1) in your AN's choose and credit a song, art piece and/or concept prompt from the contest and 2) "mass" appeared twice. I will read and comment again before the contest is over.

    Good luck

  • XxLoverOfDarknessxX
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    very good. i thought it was pretty good! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and god luck in my contest!

  • SapereAude11
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting piece... I can track the main character's thought process to an end, which leads to a new beginning. Thanks for entering!


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    hmm well very interesting poem. your extravagant words, while making the poem more sophisticated also cluttered it a little and made it difficult to understand. i like it, nonetheless you didn't follow my rules, therefore i will have to DQ you. SORRY


  • new born
    May 25

    Edit | Reply
    wow. this is incredible.

    i think in the 2nd & 3rd stanzas
    vista's should be vistas and it's should be its.

    i'll give you clappies when the contest is over. :]

1 - 27 of 27