touch you

quiet night alone
with my computer and the telepohone
it has your name and your number locked away
but
i faint
at the thought of
calling first.

i get as nervous as the days when
passing you turned my face red
and my heart got so high that the valves burst and bled.

i wish i knew if i loved you.

i miss you, sure, and
i won't forget how you look.
your soft colored
shirts,
the pants that don't fit,
the sunburn that looks fresh.
you came straight from the rainforest, the
clouds still cover your eyes,
and you
hang
your head down low,
looking up only to smile
slightly-
you know i watch you the whole time-

i think im in love with you.

I press my hands together, the euphoria
spreads against small hairs and I breathe
low, so you won't hear
that each sigh is a stumble
over rips in my ribs.

i wish i knew i could touch you.

we'll both live on alright
without ever having
held eachothers
bodies together
(but like you,
i dream of warmer weather and
mountain tops and
great lakes and hammocks
and mornings with
scrambled eggs when i've
just scratched your back when
i've just kissed your ears
when ive just held my lips to the
hole in your chest).
i miss you

i wish i knew.