I saw a machine inside of the coffeee table
Inside the stillnes of the cracked and chipped wood
I saw motion
tiny speckles of matter
intertwined by an invisble force
Inside those dog eyes
I saw a tear
and inside that tear
I saw covalent bonds
breaking apart
electrons
turning into positrons
and positrons
evaporating into radiation
I saw a machine in the night sky
Outside the pale blue atmosphere
I saw motion
Huge blotches of matter
intertwined by an invisible force
Outside those dog eyes
I saw your flaws
the reasons you cry through the night
and swear to yourself this is not a machine
A contest entry
- Underwater covalent bonding by porksnorkel.
3000 points, ended June 26, 2009, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Deep, Hertfelt
Thought provoking write, You are a gifted masterful poet.
This was an enjoyable read well done, Congratulations on the Gold!
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why does coffee have 3 e's?
invisible force
too vague, make it alive.
I saw a machine in the night sky
don't need, diffuses focus
Outside those dog eyes
I saw your flaws
the reasons you cry through the night
and swear to yourself this is not a machine
also unneccesary
Huge blotches of matter
intertwined by
By what exactly? "invisible force" equals a null state,
says nothing, in other words--look inside for just exactly what you see--give us an Image. One might say, that looking that deep one might perceive one's self as if in a mirror.---you need not always tug at your reader's heartstrings, making them angry works just as well, sometimes.
Also! where did those dog eyes come from?
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I saw a machine inside the coffee table
In the stillnes of the chipped wood
I saw motion
tiny speckles of matter
twined by an invisble force
Inside those dog eyes
I saw a tear
and inside that tear
covalent bonds
breaking apart
electrons
into positrons
and positrons
into radiation
I saw a machine in the night sky
I saw motion beyond the blue
Huge blotches of matter
intertwined by an invisible force
Outside those dog eyes
I saw your flaws
the reasons you cry through the night
and swear to yourself this is not a machine
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too many "e"s in the first line.
pick cracked or chipped. I think chipped. -
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Anyways I just seen the watchmen and the blue dude. I would love to be able to travel to mars like that and then just trasnport around the universe
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I haven't seen the movie yet. You MUST read the book. It's a comic book, or an illustrated novel or whatever. You'll love it.
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this is great - let me go into more detail - this is really, really good
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this poem is beyond my dumb assed brain cells. lol it's probably super relevant and in a higher consciousness. i enjoyed trying to figure it out though.
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this reminds me of the blue dude in watchmen. Have you read it?
I really like this one.
Inside my pantaloons, i saw a machine
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Outside those dog eyes
I saw your flaws
the reasons you cry through the night
and swear to yourself this is not a machine
Such a poignant and surreal vision you toss us, almost losing the point, yet still hammering home the essence of life and love. The dog eyes...god that sings poetry to me, and although I dare not make this more than what you have written, I find myself still waiting for that moment of true epiphany, that small spot where your words point and pray that I will have the sight and hands to find it.
Lovely as a blind man imagining a rainbow.
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love? dogs eye?
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cool. What's it mean?
ps
SONG BITCAHSS worrymonger@hotmail.com
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sean
The song will be ready to be sent to you tomorrow. Don't worry we won't leave you hanging
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I like this. The micro/macro view of the universe, the alchemist view of the machinery of the world, and love.
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