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Cayo Hueso

Rain.
It falls like glitter on my doorstep.

          The skies rumble beneath
              the neon greens and blues,
                splashing mists upon my strings...
                                   
             

Beyond the coral conchs
      scrapping along the unsettled starfish,

the dried out reef beds creep closer and closer
              to the eclipsing shore.

Even here...

                I still see your face.

The taste of key lime pie lingers...
            on my tongue, reminding me
                    of tastes I've yet to encounter...

                          Still, I look to the glowing sea
                            in hopes of catching a small glimpse into a world

                                                I'd almost forgotten.

A flickering glimpse
into the glimmers of forgotten sea glass

                         

                                settling on the toes of a carefree shore...



                               

Author notes

written on the shores of Key West.

Cayo Hueso is what they used to call Key West before they started calling it "Key West" The literal meaning of Cayo Hueso is Bone Island.

not exactly what I'd intended when I started it, but it usually never is...

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • ozma
    July 4

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    Lovely

    This is really beautiful!
    A flickering glimpse
    into the glimmers of forgotten sea glass very nice imagery, as well I remember meandering along the beach and finding sea glass, shark's teeth, and a myriad of other fossils..Well done

  • Rowan gold member
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    Wish I were there... sounds beautiful. I'm glad you took out guitar, as that line was my favorite. Thanks so much for entering.


  • Night Hope gold member
    June 5
    Edit | Reply

    You set the stage very nicely in your beginning lines, Poet, & managed to maintain the tension & sense of sanctuary throughout. I've always had a thing about the sea, like most writers do, I suppose. A very descriptive, sensual penning. Good luck in Kathleen's contest.




  • Amera gold member
    May 30
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and filled with vibrant imagery. Reading your notes; I love Key West.

    Love,
    Amera

  • this was a really great write but their was one thing that sounded a bit choppy "of my guitar" if you removed that like and changed "the strings" to "my strings" it would probably read a little better. you gota remember poetry is something that expresses you and anyone that knows a little bit about you knows you like music so you can assume that by just saying strings they know what your talking about but you dont have to listen to me

    jack


  • Swangrnv gold member
    May 24

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    wow

    this is a great piece of writing! love the imagery, and the lil factoid in the author's notes..nice touch!

  • i want some lime pie now, i always want whatever food is offered in poetry. a good poem here, there is a cool sense of serenity that washes the whole poem.


  • kirbysman Moderators member
    May 24

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    Hey

    We talked about this last night but I told you I get a very dreamy feel when I read it (which I did for the fifth time this morning). Loving the ocean myself, and the kind of simpleness of the island/beach life, it does touch me in those familiar spots. It does draw us to a simple calling, a carefree time that maybe we had in our lives before. Not sure what was in your mind and heart when you started but this is simply nice.


    Grampa Paul

  • I don't understand the title or the significance of the last line. Maybe it's metaphorical and I just don't see the metaphor; maybe the title is an inside thing or I just don't understand the words?
    All in all though, great write. The pauses add to the emotion somehow, I don't get that but it must be a good thing if you can promote emotion through pauses.
    The parts with "..." at the end seemed awkward, I don't know if there's a significance to them, but I've noticed in other poetry too that this sometimes veils a great piece.
    Keep up the great writes. :]

    • Cayo Hueso is what they used to call Key West before they started calling it "Key West" The literal meaning of Cayo Hueso is Bone Island.

      The last line is "settling on the toes of a carefree shore" I was in Key West which is the most southern point of the continental US. And the line is an extension of the one before it and it came from looking at sea glass being brought up to the shore by the waves.

      The pauses came from how I read the "poem" myself, which will probably be turned into a song at some point.

      Thanks so much for the comment. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment like you did.

      • I see, yea; I had no knowledge about "Key West" stuff, but now the poem has a lot more meaning to it when I read it.

1 - 12 of 12