You don't know how I feel when:
You laugh
You cry
You smile
You sigh
You protect me
You lie
You play
You want to die
You are my ray of light,
My shield
My knight
I run to you when I cry,
When I'm scared
When /I/ want to die
You make me feel great,
Amazing
Happy
I wish I owned your heart
like you own mine
Every little shard, I gave to you
and you alone
I never thought I could love
After /him/
This pen could never describe
How I truly feel
It's too great a feeling...
No words to describe it
You don't see it...
But your amazing
...
Your my everything
A contest entry
- The Colors Of Your Heart. by BrokenRage.
500 points, ended November 22, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is my first love poem... How did I do?
Comments
-
very good write, i enjoyed reading it, it reminds me of my love, this explains exactly how i feel, i love the outbreak in emotion, and the rhythm and flow. very well done. good luck in my contest and thank yo ufor your entry. ♥mandi.
-
My contest is for prose poetry. Please fix this piece to fit my description and put your AP name spaced out in your author's notes like I had asked.
Once you do this, I will give you a proper comment. -
when life jumps into your arms and brings joy keep it going, thank you for this entry
Linda
-
YOUR is a possessive (your mum just phoned)
YOU'RE is the contracted form of "you are" (you're my everything; you're just amazing)
It's important to look over your poetry before you post to catch mistakes in usage like your/you're, than/then, I'll/ill, etc. Spellcheck won't recognise the difference because they're both legitimate words; it doesn't understand context all that well, so it's imperative to double-check.
-endymion
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