phones are ringing, cars are honking, kids are screaming, dudes are burping,
clocks are striking, planes are droning, doors are creaking, pairs are moaning,
heels are stamping, tyres are squealing, squibs are cracking, crowds are cheering,
buzzing, rattling, clanking, screeching, banging, booming in the city...
give me mufflers, castle walls, or take me where a brooklet purls,
where a lark is singing songs at the break of glowing dawns,
where the wind is rustling leaves over you asleep in peace,
where a humble hut in wood is your home for all and good.
there I'll write my best of verse, alone and feeling no remorse
over dropping what is seeming comforts of my urban living.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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a good piece of poetry, ah yes, it can be a noisy existence for sure, all the little sounds building up.
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Loved the first segment, the flood of words was quite enjoyable,if you're planning on revising "the urban living" is a bit odd sounding, you could take that word out.
Really enjoyed the natural feelings. -
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Thanks for the comment, especially for 'the urban living'. Can you elaborate on why, in your opinion, it sounds/may sound odd? What would be yours instead? English is not my native tongue, so it's quite important for me to get your reply.
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With the phrase "the urban living" I would take out "the" because it is an unnecessary article and negatively affects your earlier bending of the rules of English with the very long list.
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Thanks! I modified it, replaced 'the' with 'my' - the meter still should be there Though it's hard for me to see my earlier bending of rules of English there... so far
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Russian!!!!
Has all the cheerful tones of Mother Russia!!!! Really good-- Lermontov and Akhmatova would have approved, especially L as he was half-Scottish
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Great skills at bringing the reader in chaos of living into the serene sounds of nature. Wonderful job well done.
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Wonderful
I can def relate...awesome job! I'm a city girl, but I'll take the silence of nature..way more beautiful.
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