I might see better
without the sense of happiness
that clouds the eyes
filters the world into an ambient glow
I could sense the air
for the virtues of a season
in stark absence of night flower scents
and the glow of the moon
would be a stone trapped in a ceaseless pause
between a greater star and a lesser globe
a simple knowledge confirmed
but instead I zoom like a bat
chirping to the world all around
in a voice only I may hear, and
feeling like a resonant string
when everything I can sense
speaks to me
to guide my path
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything by Pamela A Lamppa.
1750 points, ended May 30, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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There is truly tenderness in simplicity in this most elegant poem.
Only one comma in the whole thing. You have worked line breaks well in this natural flowing free verse to emphasize your pauses, stops and starts.
Your second stanza is so visual, it took my breath away. Such fine imagery throughout.
Thank you for such a strong and masterful entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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Thank you Pamela-
for this excellent contest, for your kind words, a chance to speak in a different voice...try new ideas...so very much appreciated...PK
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thought provoking and interesting.
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Thank you...PK
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"in stark absence of night flower scents"
Are you...Cereus??? 
Sorry...I couldn't resist. Such a pensive penning this is, Poet Man. We all soar like blind bats, never quite understanding our surroundings, it seems. There is always such resplendent beauty within our midst...Miracles unfolding right before our unseeing eyes. Sometimes, I think we think far too much for our own good. Over-analyzing everything until nothing makes much sense. Fortunately, your words always do. Good luck in Pamela's contest, Scribe.
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i have to say your words make perfect sense to me, there can be paralysis...a sense of going nowhere, lost in analysis...wise words here from you...thanks so much...PK
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Abundant life, I think, so often transcends the practical. Zoom...yeah that says it!
I love the subtle allusion to the bat at the beginning...not seeing, sensing the air. I didn't think of a bat when I read them, of course, until after the ending. But it reads a little differently in retrospect. And yet what powerful HUMAN sensitivity. You seem to approach almost a primal way of relating to the world, of finding the way... cutting out all the unnecessary, returning to what is felt and unexplainably understood. So, in this case, thank goodness for cloudy eyes that incite such resonant chirping!
I really appreciated the contrast you made between the world in ambient glow and the somewhat wild chirping of the bat....and what a great word... I never would have thought of a bat "chirping," but together it gives this balance of dark and hmmmm, jovial. I get the sense of rising above the cloudy vision, not allowing it to hinder...perhaps at times contrary to common "sense" but still a more pure appreciation for the ambient glow.
Some of your phrasing was striking! The bit about the moon stands out, particularly. It was like, right jab, left jab, TKO. To call it a "stone" (in said, alternate universe) and then to follow with "trapped", then again CEASELESS PAUSE was bamboozling!!! Yep, TKO. I think no one would wish to have their eyes unclouded after that hopeless, lifeless image! Really masterful. "A simple knowledge confirmed,"... again...this, for me, reduces something so marvelous to something "matter-of-fact," and lack-luster. It exists, sure, but little more. As a drab object for the speaker's unclouded sight...what an incredible analogy for his life as well.
The title means so much, too, once you understand its fulllnes. "Sounds" is such a simple, singular title, and yet once you understand that it is the sounds that guide, how incredibly significant they become! Love the understatement there.
"a voice only I may hear"--this could be a discouraging thought to some, but this idea of life for life's sake that comes out so strongly seems to negate that. This is a pure chirping, full, exuberant, and completely witout pretension. Wonderful thought!
Great execution here of some deep, provoking ideas. Totally enjoyed this one!
Awesome.
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Thank you Ten-
Well, first i want you to know i genuinely appreciate the time and effort it takes to compose a thorough commentary like this.
Yes...I was trying to bring a different voice to a subject, a different attitude, but in the end it is the way I feel, the world all around brings us so many gifts... thanks for all...PK
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You seem to be on that path lately, choosing a life of meaning over a life of happiness. Not a bad way to go, per ce. I can say that I don't agree with the sentiment, I don't think one would see clearer without happiness... for many reasons.
However, it is a beautiful write, and I thank you for sharing it with us
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Thank you Keyser-
whether one sees more clearly or not, i think a life that minimizes personal happiness will not be fulfilling or rewarding at some basic...gut level; perhaps like the difference between seeming happy and being happy, when one feels so much more of life, things of the world all around us...anyway...thanks for reading and the thoughtful words, so very much appreciated...PK
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It's a very satisfying feeling when we hear that inner voice, feels like guidance is next to us.
Very good poem
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Thank you Mari-
thanks for the helpful comments and suggestions always welcomed...h
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This is gorgeous.
I don't actually ever remember coming to your page and not leaving in a sigh~
You are probably tired of hearing this, but I just love reading you..
Lynda
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Lynda-
It is always wonderful to hear from you...your support now and always, so very much appreciated thanks for all...PK
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It is a true pleasure to read your words, always, but so nice to know that you appreciate my little thoughts...
Lynda
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