Consumed in early morning mist
-Waiting-
No footsteps echo off the sidewalk.
I am alone again.
Remembering your eyes,
your voice, charm, everything.
-warmth-
I am crying again.
The same words resonate in my head:
This feels like a charity case... I'm sorry.
(I'm sorry)( I'm sorry)( I'm sorry)( I'm sorry)
-Stop-
Its quiet again.
London fog floats away
leaving me exposed,
open, and vulnerable to the world.
Time has decided on a new life for me:
I am free again.
Author notes
N a k a t r e a
Prompt Words: Charity, charm, fog, life
ha ha oops it turned into a break up poem.
not my thing really
but i really felt the fog.
I hope the repetition isn't annoying... :S
(I'm sorry) ha ha 
not funny i know...
ok
that all...
In a list
A contest entry
- Number Contest!!! by darkscorpia.
460 points, ended June 3, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any ways i could have possibly make this any better?
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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You are on a roll here! I really liked this piece. I could really sense the emotion when the thoughts were clouding the persons mind. Well done once again hun.
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my first gold maybe?
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Bloody hell, this is great! Everything just..worked. The words, the presentation, the images, the sounds. You've just got so much talent!
(Glad I stumbled accross this gem)
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wow thanks!
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Beautiful write hun. I think that you are turning into a fantastic poet. The imagery is outstanding! Congratulations on the Gold!!
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Thank you so much!
Your comments mean a lot to me
hope all is well
Kat
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I really rather like this poem. It deserved the gold for sure.
The thing that threw me was the use of capitals (beginnings of lines). I did like the use of punctuation as a symbolizing change though.
Very well written, and a piece that, while it flows, keeps an underlying current separate. The feeling is not lost to the words, as is in some case of extended metaphor.
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I realized a couple days ago that the last stanza had no capital X_X
I will fix that
Thanks so much for the lovely comment!!!!!!!
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I forgot to mention: "London Fog" is also the name of my favorite Starbucks Latte. And it's what made me read this in the first place. Lol. -
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ha ha nice. I thought the title was kinda cliché but... It works
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works well
I liked the two first lines/ could have turned this into a sonnet , congratulations on your gold ...
this poem can turn many ways ..
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Thanks so much! I really appreciate the feed back
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Excellent! Congrats on gold!!!
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thanks so much. It was after all my first gold
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This is very good
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Thanks! And thanks so much for the gold! That's such a surprise. It actually my first gold trophy
So glad you liked it
Kat
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Music: Disturbia by Rihanna
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--oh... my muse has got nothing for that. Its kinda dark for my tastes... would you mind prompting me again :S?
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no problem. How bout... prompt 35 Words: Charity, charm, fog, life
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Oh! WONDERFUL. Thanks so much. I love word prompts.
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prompt #35, as many words as u want!
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