There are days she spends reflecting
upon her many moments still.
Once again she’s found protecting
her weeping outer sill.
Afoot he sleeps the day away
and sparks to life at night.
She glimmers back his flicker,
so he too behold this sight.
Her edges warm and focused
while his flame bends ever near.
The dripping wax bewitching.
Their synchronicity is clear.
So very still but so alive,
this room can feel the bond.
She reminds that she is delicate,
he reassures that he is fond.
The master sleeps beside them,
the light shines through the glass.
Heat billows to the rafters
as the night is near to pass.
A contest entry
- Unusual Love Poems- For All Age Groups by Mercury Rising.
800 points, ended May 23, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Temptation, with prompting. by BeachBum1.
1200 points, ended July 8, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems...Poems...and More Poems!!! by K-a-r-s.
450 points, ended August 30, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CELEBRATE 17 NOVEMBER- FOR AWARD-WINNING POEMS OF THE PAST YEAR by Vera Rich.
750 points, ended December 2, 91 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
If I felt better ...
I suspect this would blow me away. As it is, the last line just bewildered me. I assume that "as the night is near to pass" means dawn is on the way. After rereading this several times, that's the only explanation I can come up with. It's unfortunate, as this was going along swimmingly up to the last line. As it is, Wanda's interpretations just below have held my attention more than the poem.
I suspect I had best come back and reread this at a later time, when I'm less tired and more alert.
However, I will say that your writing is quite good. How good is a point I'll have to leave for another day.

-
Very unique perspective on the 'synchronicity' of the candle and its reflection in a window. The implication here that the window intentionally shines the reflection back to the candle for his enjoyment as well is quite unique. I did wonder, however, if there was a deeper meaning behind why the candle was masculine and the window was feminine. Does this personification imply some innate characteristics of men and women?
Are women those who better "reflect" than "carrying the spark"? Or did the candle's phallic form somehow color your decision to make it male?
So many interpretations; I'd better stop while I'm ahead! 
On a constructive note, I wonder if you'd allow me to make a couple of suggestions in Stanza 4. Because most of your poem tends to carry a tetrameter/trimeter iambic ("da-DUM da-DUM") meter, I wonder if lines 3 and 4 here might not flow a bit better with a couple of syllable changes, perhaps like this:
S3: "She WARNS that SHE is DELiCATE"
S4: "He asSURES that HE is FOND"
I simply removed one syllable from both lines giving S3 8 syllables (a perfect tetrameter) and S4 7 (an almost perfect trimeter). In any case, in my reading, I seemed to have to rush those lines a bit to fit the rhythm. Just my humble opinion, of course, and my attempts to be helpful for what they're worth.
I also agree with the previous commenter on L4 of stanza 2 for the sake of grammaticality. His suggestion would work or something like "So he'd TOO beHOLD this SIGHT." Again, just a friendly opinion.
In any case, this is a truly unique poem with delightful personification that gave me pause to ponder... Thanks for that! Good luck in the contest!

-
This is a wonderful, cosy and warm piece. I enjoyed your personifications of the candle and window, the relationship you gave to them in the telling. It resonated much of human love also ~ how even with differences we can complement and synchronise with each, discover ourselves more through our interactions with another, as much as we seek to discover them most prominently.
Only thing I noticed to point out: "so he too behold this sight" ... "behold" should be "beholds".
You worked well with the picture, and created a poem that complements it. Together they provide something very wintry and cosy, something seasonally apt, for the reader. I enjoyed this!
-
This is a tender and poignant poem, well painted with your soft and gentle rhymes. Indeed, we are all a piece and part of each other, focusing upon the best and brightest reflections we all have to offer. I like the picture you've used, too. There's nothing better than candlelight or a welcome fire upon the hearth. Good luck in the contest.



-
This is a very nice poem i like theses lines the best:
Her edges warm and focused
while his flame bends ever near.
The dripping wax bewitching.
Their synchronicity is clear.
So very still but so alive,
this room can feel the bond.
She reminds that she is delicate,
he reassures that he is fond.
The Rhyming in this poem is awesome. Good job and good luck in the contest. -
-
Thank you very much. What a nice surprise today. I appreciate the comments and the placement. You are a great host.
-
-
wow, this is stunning
I loved this so much, You said so much through your metaphors and the rhyme worked perfectly.absolutely stunning piece there just arn't words for it. thank you so much for entering good luck


-
Such a beautiful piece. Great rhymes and poetic imagery of the reflecting candle light in the window.
The picture for the poem make it even more romantic.
Congratulations for the Silver,
Great work!

-
Wow I would never have thot of that.
congrats


-
A highly original candle-lit reflection, and a very pensive and sensitive poem you have penned. You've really gone beyond the obvious in finding love poetry in the above picture. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks so much for sharing this wonderful piece.


-
-
I can't remember if I thanked you. Well, either way...thanks for the placement in your contest. It was a very good prompt to work with. I enjoyed the write.
-
-
This write just sings to me. I've read it over and over... so beautiful. Best of luck in the contest.


1 - 12 of 12











