fluorescent lights illuminated your irises
and slowly dimmed out as the closing sign
was flipped to show the world.
we watched one of the fast-motion nature films in the electronics aisle,
and you laughed when I was mesmerized by the screen
[but you pulled me closer to you as well].
mountains rose before the cushions of the unsold couches
as opera backgrounds trickled from changing clouds
and synchronized metamorphosis of insects.
[“we must all be butterflies,”
you whispered; because there
was no other way you would
want to believe in evolution.]
- you changed the disc and showed me another silver screen.
we dreamed of underwater stars
unfolding in the surface of wakes and tides
leagues above diffusing hairs atop our heads.
currents lulled us to underwater galaxies
of sea urchins and anemones
in the shapes of the cartilage of your nose;
- it was always a somewhat odd shape, you know.
sleepwalkers drenched their pajamas
in the ocean’s call
as they dipped their toes into the lapping edge
of another world.
stars were replaced by fish
and birds by hopes and dreams;
[“we must all be underwater butterflies,”
I concluded – there’s no other way
I would believe in existence without water.]
we sat criss-cross applesauce
with our heads in our hands;
believing the world is full of
windows and doors with no
walls in between.
Author notes
c o l o r i n g m y s e n s e s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6rcPRt7sjA&feature=channel_page
staralfur by sigur ros
A contest entry
- audition round. (: clickety-click[click] by stepbystep.
850 points, ended May 28, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - enter a prewrite for comments! by etoile.
1800 points, ended June 10, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - preliminary round; i wear a halo when you look at me. by innocence jaded.xx.
900 points, ended June 20, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Yesyesyesssss.
This is sooo beautiful. I'm in awe with every stanza, every word. It was completely and utterly captivating, and your words really stuck.
Thanks for entering♥ -
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Awuh - thank you so much!
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wow, this is beautiful. the imagery, the storyline and everything about this is so wonderful. I like the spacing you used for the quotes. that was pretty awesome. the title is very pretty as well.
goodluck and thanks for entering -
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Thanks so much!
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ooh!! i don't know how i missed this poem. sometimes AP screws up on me, but i'm glad i found it!
as the closing sign
was flipped to show the world.
-you are like the queen of overt imagery seeming subtle. somehow.
[“we must all be butterflies,”
you whispered; because there
was no other way you would
want to believe in evolution.]
-me loves it.
it was always a somewhat odd shape, you know.
-should the be a questionmark at the end of that? i never know..
sleepwalkers drenched their pajamas
in the ocean’s call of swimmer’s ear
-okay, i absolutely adore this part, but i think you should get rid of 'swimmer's ear' cause it just kinda overloads the stanza and takes the effect away from the perfect start.
as they dipped their toes into the lapping edge
of another world.
-again with the imagery and metaphors? damn girl, how do you do it?
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Aw, you're so sweet!
You've just made a lovely day incredible.
<3!
Thank you so muchhh!
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Loved it!
Another incredible write!
<3
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Thank you.
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and slowly dimmed out as the closing sign
was flipped to show the world.
^^^^ gahhhh, i LOOOOVE this!
in fact, i pretty much LOVED the whole poem. soo happy you finished the poem and i'm sooo happy that I gave you this prompt.
Gosh, i'm just soo happy with it all. (:
Great work!
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Thank you so much!
You just made my day!
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you are SO welcome! (:
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hahah. the reserves are : 16, 17, and 18. LOL. sorry. i thought that was funny.
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ahaha - TOO cool!
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