Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder
How I continue breathing
Always reminding myself to take my next breath
Forever wondering if I should
Sometimes I wonder
How God can stand to call me his child
I'm always being forced to juggle fire
I remain silent while taking everyone else's burns
Sometimes I wonder
How fire, this element of destruction
Can also cleanse, is also the element of rebirth
Sometimes I wonder
How I still am
I repent so much that I'm consumed
I seem to drown in the flames of Your forgiveness
Sometimes I wonder
How I seem to defy all laws of Mother Nature
I drown in flames and burn in water
I run from light and thrive in darkness
sometimes I wonder
How my personalities contradict
Like earth and air
Constantly push and pull
My yin and yang so contorted that
I no longer have a balance within myself
Sometimes I wonder
If I ever existed
When someone does finally see me
What will remain?
Only a hallow shell of my former
My being long forgotten
My dreams long fallen