Selfish and sick ambitions are what seem to hold this soul together,
Yet something is missing deep down inside of these wretched ashes.
The hurt runs too deep to imagine that things were once better,
Even though things begin to stir up a feeling that clashes.
There was once a place where one could feel secure,
A place away from all the cuts and gashes.
Though some say its a sickness without a cure,
Its just a thought my mind flashes.
Before these dark times there was peace,
Happiness that lasted and didn't fade.
But now those times have all just ceased,
In their place is pain I'm afraid.
So let this poor soul lose this battle,
That seems to rage deep within.
Nothing can save me now,
The long and dark journey begins.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Good imagery, however two lines in them I didn't like.
"It's just a thought my mind flashes." (This sentence could use a little substance, throw in another syllable to complete, in my opinion. Maybe say... 'it's just a thought that my mind flashes.")
The second one is the line "But now those times have all just ceased" (Just something about the word 'just' in this line makes it feel... awkward. A different word or combination of words for that MIGHT be better. Judgement call though.)
Other than those two lines, it flowed pretty well, in my mind. Good work. And be awesome.
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