Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

soul meets body

peach whispers drift across
sidewalk cracks unyielding.

sun glass reflections throw back
giggling memories and laughter
untouched

by smog-filled streets, indirect cynicism,
a lack of wonder.
[innocence]

 

 

   --------

 

biting melodies of
G, D, C

lack aneurism intensity
these days
[she's a three chord country girl]

rooftop musings and ashtray art
while stars are dying, hour glass minutes passing
is a habit
[self destruction or self indulgence?]

 

     -------

 

honeysuckle breezes replace
long fastened guilt
falling away on wind starved
change

 

 

 

Author notes

it doesn't hurt so much right now, so I don't mind if you call me Georgia.

 

 

A contest entry

don't comment on my title. yes, I know it's a DCfC song.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • aeolia
    July 15

    Edit | Reply

    yes

    i didn't like how you started out each stanza with the same "adjective + noun" formation. keep an eye on that next time.

  • Writing0Freedom
    July 9
    Edit | Reply
    yesss!


  • alaska.
    July 9
    Edit | Reply
    yesssss.


  • dieu.
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    yes.


  • white stone
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    "Hey white stone, I've got an idea!".... "What's the idea white stone?"... "Let's start a contest and invite ALL the people you think are the best on the site!"....
    I bit off more than I could chew with this, and I apologize for the wait. I started to do the in depth critiques, and it didn't work out so well. It's just too much for me, and every write in this contest is quality, so here's my take on your write:

    This reads like a confessional, as well as an argument with the self. Highly introspective and creative.

    The first section is like looking back at lost youth, and makes me think of mine. Powerfully put, i think.

    The second seems like that adolescent questioning phase, but it could carry over into now. Frustration, expression wonder and boredom come through.

    In three is the resolution, at least for the moment, sealing up the piece in an effective package. It took me on a ride through your past. Good use of the senses.

    Good Luck


  • Night Hope gold member
    June 27

    Edit | Reply

     
    This is a great contemporary piece, Poet. Some seriously-good imagery, innovative use of language. Fantastically visual. Good luck in the contests.
     
     


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    June 22
    Edit | Reply
    yes.


  • adsaige
    June 20
    Edit | Reply

    Yes,

    I like the flow and structure of this,


  • innocence jaded.xx
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    Yesss.

    I really like this.


  • harrispoems silver member
    May 27

    Edit | Reply

    Nice Flow

    What I liked best about your poem was how you used the word "untouched" in line 5 to give different meanings to lines 4 and 6. I like when poetry reads vertically as well as horizontally. harrispoems


  • simplypeace
    May 27
    Edit | Reply
    this...this. this. this. love the flow. beautiful write. i look forward to reading more of you.

  • mellymae777
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    nice write but maybe im missing something..... it was hard for me to get into. the imagry used was creative for sure. but to me it almost lacked a sense of conection to the real world for me. ......... i just re read it again. n i think im starting to understand it. maybe i just dont know much about that place and i feel as if the peace is starving for realism not idealism. but nice write in general. i like it


  • pure zen
    May 24
    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing.
    So simple, so true


  • Tarja
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely adore your style. There was a lot of raw passion and intensity in this and I fell for it completely. That picture was lovely for the piece too. <3 And that last stanza is what REALLY won me over. The word choice there was magnificent. Well done.


  • eating vertigo
    May 22
    Edit | Reply
    I wanted to add you as a favorite. But in your profile I can't find the add as favorite link.


    • still.she.waits
      May 22
      Edit | Reply
      go to the top of the page, and click on the link sidebar, and once it pops up on the left you should see the option.


  • eating vertigo
    May 22

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    I actually used the phrase "honeysuckle lips to my humming bird heart" once. I like that phrase alot. Is this prehaps inspired by the DCFC song "soul meets body?" I love that song alot, and your words are cleverly depicted. Keep writing, I love this.

    -Raven


  • Dragonbabyx3
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful imagery in this one, I love the honeysuckle breezes, they are my favorite and you are my georgia girl hehehehehehe

1 - 18 of 18