The sky would be lying
if it were to say
my heart wasn't soaring
through the clouds.
My hands would be cold
if it weren't for the love
that I wash myself in
to keep me warm.
My soul would be torn
if it weren't for the grasp
that holds my body steady
and welcomes in reassurance.
My mind would be stuck
reminiscing the past
if it weren't for the one
that showed me my future.
Author notes
CC welcome.
A contest entry
- Crush by okadadokie.
550 points, ended July 15, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I am love... feed me! PW welcome! by Fallen-Muse.
650 points, ended July 9, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do I make this better? CC welcome.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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poor boy...
deserves 5 stars..
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The concept is very cleaver....
how you speak of love...
what you would be without it...
the day by day exsistance....
till the sun came...
and now you see tommorow...
Stunning lass.
Love this.
Bless your heart
little gypsy,
Liam
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Wow. I really liked this thank you so much for this amazing entry!!! good luck in my contest and the other and all that you do!!
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Wow very intense. Thank you.
~Oka -
Very Good!
Your opening opening line really caught me. I liked that.
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This is a really good write...
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elaborate on your love more. your metaphor and alliteration to allow the reader to see the depth of your love. love is the deepest most complex emotion ever in us mortals. now let me see it!
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Wow this is really good! Great job!
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hmm this is descriptive but it just wasn't deep enough to completely capture me. still its beautiful. thanks for entering
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personally, i like short pieces. i like the challenge of saying something huge with something small.
but you don't care about that.
i liked this - the sublime repetition worked very well, and your stanzas complement each other really well. my one suggestion is to maybe left align it? but that's just a personal opinion.
great write, and spot-on ending. -
I agree i think i could be a lil longer. And they layout works really well but personally I prefer it with rhyme. Perhaps it would make it easier to read.
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I really like this piece. It does seem a bit too short, like there should be more. Very nice, keep writing.
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I like this, particularly the last two lines. I'd say it is ready to send save potential line break changes to prevent pauses in reading (unless that is what you intend)
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i like this piece but i wish it was longer. i can tell there is something more about this piece and i want to hear more other wise it is nice
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