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oppressed impressions





everything in me

is you

yet

salvation

is a million miles away

 

 

 

and redemption

a quarter mile

from hell

 

 

 

this life

a haunted forest

and the crumbs

have all been eaten

by horns

and wings

 

 

 

i never fly

in the reign

and lavender

is hid

in december's sleeve

 

 

 

so i reek

in the musk

of my forest

while moss

feeds

 

 

 

 

 

on my darker side

where silence

lives

   with fallen trees

 

 

 

 

 

 





 

In a list

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • redmoonnrizing silver member
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I was directed here through another contest and I am not disappointed. Great words from a great poet. So very rich and beautiful.

    I am no stranger to the blues. My sister has been singing for almost 40 years out of Austin, Texas. It is what I thrive on. That and classic rock.


  • Celticmoon
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    NOTE: All comments for this round will be written by me as B Chandler is still suffering PC troubles. However, I am currently collaborating with her via phone for judging and comments. How comments will be a joint one for this round.

    Congradulations Richard, you have just issued another 'WTF' moment for us...LOL Your words are so simple and still they radiate with imagery and impact. You left us stunned and thinking beyond the norm. You have also including some wonderful lines/ phrases such as this one
    'and redemption
    a quarter mile
    from hell'


    Score:

    B Chandler - 94
    Celticmoon - 96

    Overall: 95


  • DogFish silver member
    May 31
    Edit | Reply

    scent of gingerbread and peat...

    There is more in the shaddow than in the light!


  • poet2angels gold member
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know how I missed this, but I am so happy I found it. One of the most emotional pieces I have read from you and I just adore it...

    Lynda


  • doodlebug1234
    May 28
    Edit | Reply
    OMFG this is amazing, beautiful analogies, beautiful structure. You are an artist.


  • Rose Dark Thorn silver member
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    This is an interesting, reflective piece that, to me, touches on those moments in life where we fall down and look up and see all of those obstacles in our way...and we don't know how we're going to get past them.

    It sort of resonates with me, that kind of internal motivation when someone you love is just on the other side and that keeps you going long enough just so you can make it. It also reminds me of one of my favorite songs; I like the fact that you use a forest as your detail and possibly even your metaphor here. It's very tranquil and it fills me with a sense of peace somehow...like, sure, it's bad, but it could be worse and I will see this through. Haha, I'm rambling.

    Anyway, the way you've taken your title is impressive...I'm not sure I would have been able to weave it quite like that myself. It's very refreshing and natural, and I like what you've done here.

    Best of luck in the challenge.


  • Rowan gold member
    May 25

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, wow... definitely more profound than your first draft. Though there was something endearing about that dot. lol. This bears the soul of a true poet.
    sigh. I wish I could clap again.

  • Susan E. Pennycuff
    May 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... this is a really well written piece as is expected of you always. I do have to ask though if you intended to spell sleeve as you did, or is sleve not sleeve? ( I'm asking because if it is not a typo then I am unfamilar with the word and it changes the meaning of the poem for me... am gonna have to go look it up... lol ) I really love this piece and doubt that you will be recieving one of the lowest scores this round. Best of luck in the contest dear.
    Suzi

  • Of Horns and Wings
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    Ok.. since you vanished..

    I'll break it down here. As with all your poems, it is like one is dreaming and pieces are experienced from a different dimension of thought. Piecemeal. This is no exception. Here you hide behind your mastery of words, not as the maverick you usually are but an emotional man with something to hide. There is a somber feel of being stuck on one side of the mirror while you wish to reach out and touch the other world with your impressions.. but perhaps it's filtered through too much logic and the emotion loses its momentum. Redemption has a price for you.. vulnerability, an expression you can't take back once it's expressed. You feel unused, unapplicable and not utilized to your fullest potential here.. you feel uncharted..unanalyzed, ... a lost place within a forest that seems forgotten.. and you dare not venture out... yet.

  • Of Horns and Wings
    May 24
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. I must speak to you about this.


  • Rowan gold member
    May 20
    Edit | Reply
    well, that little dot kinda expresses itself don't it?
    lol.
    Oppression is a terrible thing.

1 - 11 of 11