Stefanie M.

:: I have low self esteem, yet I hate being corrected. I have a lot of pride and hate it being dampened on. I do like constructive criticism though and excell from it. ::

:: I am an artist in the true aspect of the word. I write poetry, I write stories and lyrics and also prose. I enjoy painting, I love drawing although I don't find myself good at it. I love working with clay. I enjoy aspects from all sorts of artistry and I've been told I'm good. Apparently creations run through my veins like pictures in a 1960s camera. ::

:: My Granddad past away when I was only 2 1/2 from cancer. My uncle,  Dad's brother (as my Granddad was my Mum's Dad) died in a car accident. Mainly due to his blood not being able to clot and because of the accident itself. Dad and Gregory, his brother died on bad terms and every time I visit Gregories grave the empath in me cries for their relationship and spiritual reunion. Even thinking of this now brings me close to tears. I often wonder if Gregory and Granddad would be proud of me if they were here. Gregory died at only eighteen, a waste of life and Granddad could've lived if the stupid doctors caught it earlier. ::

:: I define love as the feeling that no matter how wrong the world is around you, when you're in their arms it all stands still for a moment, in awe of the beauty of two special hearts ignited. I believe love is when you bleed when they bleed, smile when they smile and somehow, you don't know how, you have a special bond beyond the physical. You can feel them and you would have it no other way. Love cannot be defined, but this is my attempt for you. ::

:: I'm a very patient person. Everyone around me always says 'how can you put up with that' or 'it's a wonder you didn't go crazy before, I would've.' I find it very hard to be horrible to people. Harsh, with honesty, I can be but truly horrible, I can't, it's not within my nature to be that way. However, if someone pushes me over the edge, I will lose my patience and most likely with vengeance ::

:: I bottle things up a lot. Although I will be honest and say 'I don't feel happy' I wont elaborate because I hate asking for emotional help and, because of this, I get stressed and it all comes out when someone pushes me a little too far, then it's like fireworks off Plymouth pier. ::

:: I bruise really easily, like Natasha Bedingfield. Both physically and emotionally. Physically, it takes next to nothing to cause a bruise on me, especially my legs. Emotionally, because I take things to heart and get down on myself when someone says something about/to me, even if it's untrue, I begin to question myself and the world around me. Again though, I keep it hidden. ::

:: my cat is like a dog, she's very protective. When my ex boyfriend, who was my partner at the time, tried to touch me up without permission, she leapt at him and scratched his ankles and hands, he backed off but she just knew I was in danger. Whenever I'm ill, or ever have been, she lays with me, putting her paws on me and never extending her claws, as if she knows I'm brittle. Whenever I'm not there, she always sleeps on my bed. If I sleep in Mum's bed during the day for a rest, she'll come in. She also sits in front of the computer for me, as she knows I go there a lot and the same for the chair I usually sit on. Whenever we let her in, she 'looks' for me and is content when she finds me. When I went to school, she'd wait outside the door for me, even if Mum and Dad were already in. She is 14 years old and has done this since I was about 10/11. So the best part of 9 years. I love her. ::

:: I honestly have the mentality to be an annorexic. I hate the way I look, but I just enjoy food too much. ::

:: I would gladly eat pasta (obviously with sauces) for a month. ::

:: Everything I see, hear or do is worthy of being a poetic masterpiece. That's how I see things, anyway. ::

:: I'd love to write the theme tune to a TV programme. I don't know why, it would just be... wonderful. ::

:: I prefer hugs than kisses. Kisses often turn sexual, hugs are just comfort and they make you feel closer. ::

:: I hate my ex with a great passion. I just managed to let go, when he told me he did use me to sleep with me and never loved me. I thanked him, I thanked him for letting me be free. ::

:: Along with the above though, I would not let him, or anyone else I don't get on with, die. If there was a burning building, I would go in and rescue them. I couldn't live with myself for letting them die and there personalities mean nothing to that. Everyone has a right to live. Locked up, maybe, but live. I wouldn't let anyone slip through my fingers like that. Never. I couldn't live with myself and to me, it doesn't matter if they'd do the same, that's who I am. ::

:: I used to lie a lot when in my early to mid teens. It's why I hate liars now. ::

:: I hate paedophiles. I know everyone does, but I seem to have a burning hatred for them. My ex is one, technically and I just can't help want to throw acid on his genitals. I think the reason is because, although I was never abused as a child or at least not sexually, I feel I lost my innocence too early and don't want anyone else to go through that. Plus he did things to me when I was 13 and made me sexually aware, when I didn't want to be. I don't know if something happened to me as a kid to make me so strong about it, as it seems somehow a little more than that, if that makes sense. ::

:: The only fish I will eat is cod and tuna. Anything else makes me want to be sick. ::

:: Equally, I wont eat offal. Brains, heart, liver, kidney, arse... I'm not eating it. Full stop. ::

:: I believe everyone deserves a second chance, but I believe you should keep a weary eye on them if you do give them that second chance. Primarily, as if they did something once they could do it again. But, I wouldn't hold it against them forever if they truly changed. I'm soft when it comes to forgiving people and I know it. ::

:: honestly, you don't want to know what crosses my mind the most, even I don't. Murder, rape... The fact I deserve it all. Sometimes it's confusion, or what to do about a situation that's going on in my life. Rarely positive. I don't understand those people who can sit there and have daydreams about going on a beach and having icecreams, to me that's corny and as unrealistic as me being Superman. ::

:: There truly isn't such a thing as perfection. You can perceive something as perfect because, like someone you're in love with, they are perfect to you. But otherwise no, there is no such thing as perfection, just near excellence. ::

:: I used to regret quite a bit. I used to always wish that I could change things, because things turned out 'the wrong way'. Now, I don't regret anything, as I believe everything happens for a reason and that somehow, it'll make sense why it happened/didn't happen/went by. I don't question what I know didn't work. I know pratically I control my life, but some aspects, like other people, we can't control and thus, why regretting is just another way of saying 'I failed' and the chances are you didn't and, if you did, why not just learn from it? ::

:: If I could have 3 wishes from a genie, I honestly would ask for Stuey and Steven to be happy, whatever that involves. For my Mum to see and talk to Granddad one last time and for Dad to reconcile with Gregory and have their last brotherly watch of Liverpool. I don't want anything for me, as my wishes have came true if the people I care about are happy. ::

:: I identify a lot with the rose. It has a touch exterior that will cut anyone who tries to break it, but when you get past all those thorns you have something very delicate and easy to break. ::

:: I've changed quite a lot since last may, I think most of it is down to Stuey. I have become more appreciative of others and a little more happier with myself. I've also got over Karl, which I didn't have the pleasure of last May. ::

:: No I wont wait for someone forever. Not consciously anyway. I wont go out searching for them. If 5 years later, I bump into them and they are ready and I am not dating someone and, if I am, measure up which is more important to me, then yes I would go with them. But I wouldn't sit moping around, or at least I'd try not to. ::

:: no, I don't think happiness is overrated, it's only overrated when your always happy, as it means that you never know how special being happy is. ::

:: one thing about me most people don't know is I am still questioning my sexuality. ::

:: when I see myself in the mirror, I'm mostly disappointed. But it's like I said to my sisters mate, if we looked exactly how we wanted, we would then want to look another way. As far as non physically, I'm still rather ashamed but I'm getting better. I used to hate myself and I'm working towards not seeing myself in such a way. ::

:: I have had a miscarriage. It was my horrible ex boyfriends child and since he told me recently he didn't love me and never did and just wanted the sexv, also due to when he broke up with me, I'd hazard a very lightly guess that he broke up with me due to the fact I lost the baby, as he wanted it. I sometimes fear I'm infertile due to this as I have unprotected sex with my present boyfriend and I haven't got pregnant yet. I am ashamed to admit it, but I am glad I had a miscarriage with my ex's child, I wouldn't want my baby anywhere around that creep and considering he'd have rights...::

:: I love watching quizshows. I'll sit there, even if on my own and answer the questions. I can't help but enjoy gaining knowledge. ::

:: I've never watched a horror films that's scared me. Some unnerve me, but never scare me. My friends are searching for the right one. ::

:: The only kind of writing I hate is essay writing. Everything else, including forms, I have no problem with. In fact, I like forms. ::

:: I kind of like getting injections. The pain is relieving, in a strange way. ::

:: I have a huge fear of contamination. The fear of a rabid dog, or some sticky substance that I am not sure what it is... could be a drug/acid etc... Freaks the life out of me. I hate germs. ::

:: lavender is my favourite scent of all time ::

:: I like solid numbers and always leave a 00 or 50 amount in my bank account. Such as 150, 1500. ::

:: I honestly don't think I'm a good poet. I can't see why people like reading my stuff, but I write it anyway to get it all out. ::

:: I love music and can relate it to pretty much anything. The emotion a piece conveys is the most prolific for me and it impacts me the most ::

:: I am an actual empath. I can feel others emotions, so much so I will cry when others cry or feel the need to cry. It's hard to control, if not damn impossible. It makes it even harder for me to be harsh, as I know when people are sorry but keep messing up. Equally, if I know someone is deliberately being hurtful, others see it weird me blanking them, but I just know. ::

:: I am much stronger physically than the average female. I pride myself on this in some ways and am embarassed in others. ::

:: I have such a huge fear of rejection. In fact, it's so severe I wont ask if I can phone someone incase they say no. It's really annoying. ::

:: I would never want a tattoo. I just, don't like them. But I like piercings, but not loads and loads of them, they aren't pretty then. Just ears/belly. The nose or tongue can make you look a little trashy. ::

:: I have bouts of physic ability. It's really strange, I can't control it but when it does come, it's very strong. I can also feel spiritual things and if there is a ghost, demon etc in the area, it will be drawn to me for some strange reason. ::

:: I am weird, but you already knew that. ::