Noise

Life to me, is a series of noises. It's a panging sound, and a barely audible yell in the distance. It's car horns that are laid upon by angry monkeys, and heavy bass from apartment buildings blaring music. It's a cellphone ringing, and children screaming laughter...that I pray to fade away.

It's a constant moving stream of "loud" that I want to silence from time to time - and all the time. Just enough to know its there...and believe its not.

Yes, the white-hot heat bakes my flesh out here alone. On this shoreline where the moon paints aluminum waves that break and crash into far away darknesses.

I feel dislocated...and I owe you nothing for that feeling. Laughter is life, someone once told me. I ignored him and walked away...
....never feeling more alive for doing that.

My silence bathes me in self-righteousness I only obtain out here. My skin cooks here; I eat and enjoy my delerium as the sweat and water inside me dissipates into nothingness. I drink myself into false reaction out here and bet the shadows that roam the night beach, that the sharpened sea shells can't cut my feet.

I challenge anything, and fake the out come.

Out here the night sky snowballs into bright spinning white dots that make me feel so insignificant...and it seperates me.

How have we survived, so misguided is a mystery...
...but I trust it all ends in tainted misgivings, and remnants of human existence. It floats dead, and bloated on the shores....washed up broken bottles and trash.

A warm front comes in tonight and its breeze is salty and thick. It burns my nostrils as I breathe it in, hoping to feel re-vitalized.

Instead, my shallowness concentrates only on the pain. The pain brings the thought of being alone. The thought being alone brings the disdain I have for the human race. The disdain for the human race brings back the sounds I came here to escape from. The sounds are of a LIFE TO DAMN NOISY FOR ME TO ENDURE.

AND IN THE MADNESS OF THESE SCREECHING TIRES...and these damned childrens laughters...and the car horns that blare....the sweeping resentment of a wave crashes and drowns me in the trash that bloats, and rots...and floats onto the shore....

My fists clench and I scream as I fall to my knees defeated.

Unable to find a moments peace...in even the most purest of sanctuaries.