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Calcified dialing [uncontained].

 

 

 

 

 

Bones blend
with crumbling cares,
to trap her stares

in rigid frame
and digits dance


a dance macabre,

as crotchets clutch

a distant tune.

She inhales strength
through stringent reach,
to harden haunts

of her hurting voids...

yet inflexible urges

fail to find
a carbonate breath


or pulse.

She chalks her worth
across her soul
and ekes esteem

on buttoned dreams--

to tap a time
on numbered forms,
that hook a heart

to feel.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Cricketers Green Team, Round 1

phrase "Calcified dialing" MUST BE used as the title, but not in the body of the work.

24 lines total. AP lies.

In a list

...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Celticmoon
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    NOTE: All comments for this round will be written by me as B Chandler is still suffering PC troubles. However, I am currently collaborating with her via phone for judging and comments. How comments will be a joint one for this round.

    Well, I must agree here we are pleasently surprised by how well this piece not only flowed but the the content as a whole. You have got some fantastically creative lines in here that have taken us both back. Allow me to reference here,
    'She chalks her worth
    across her soul
    and ekes esteem

    on buttoned dreams--

    to tap a time
    on numbered forms,
    that hook a heart

    to feel.'

    Excellent!


    Score:

    B Chandler - 93
    Celticmoon - 95


    Overall: 94


  • DogFish silver member
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    "Calcified dialing"!
    When I saw the prompt I thought what can the poor girl do with that?!
    Well now I see you arn't one to be thrown of her ballance easily! An excellent poem! I loved the rhythmic flow of this, almost like a ballet!

    Very enjoyable!


  • Griswold gold member
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    Well, this is very well done for your prompt. This is going to be fun till I get voted off. Ought to be interesting to see what I get. Great start Laura... Scott


    • Laura Lamarca gold member
      May 25
      Edit | Reply
      you'll still be here long after me... people often mistake my early entries as arrogance...i don't ever explain myself, nor do i correct the assumptions of others...but it wins me no favours and often sees me out of challenges quicker than you can blink So i'm just enjoying flexing my creative fingers while i still can

  • Papagallo
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    I always reading your work. This poem is one I hav eno idea what is going on here. Perhaps I need to read more poetry or read this poem a bit closer. Guess it is because I need more sleep or some light in my life. Anyway, thanks for sharing.

  • Susan E. Pennycuff
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    Great job Laura of representing our team. I clicked this for two reasons, one to read it but two to get a glimpse of the types of phrases that were being handed out as I have yet to recieve mine... I was a bit surprised to find that you were required to use it in your title only. I must say this contest gets off to an interesting start right off the bat! Best of luck hun. Suzi


  • Cannonsfire
    May 18

    Edit | Reply
    This is a different style for you, the slightly raw edge gives it a different beat entirely. I think you have done it well and I enjoyed reading it C


  • sideways hourglass
    May 18

    Edit | Reply
    The minimalistic approach was different from your usual, and the simplicity made this much more accessible and easy to relate to. Sometimes it's good to tone it down a bit. Either way, loved it.

    • Laura Lamarca gold member
      May 18
      Edit | Reply
      you know how it is - when writing for self, one can lather their words in layers of intricate metaphor and marvel at the technicalities subtley placed within...but when writing for mainstream AP & rounds contests, one must remember their audience first hey!! that made me sound mature


      & so i stop.


1 - 11 of 11