Blitzed

I guess it must have been sloppy colors that sank me in.
Green mixed with yellows and blue hues.
I was sure I wouldn't forget this night.
Forget.

And maybe I pushed a few things away I shouldn't have.
Maybe I didn't push enough.
But I know there's something wrong.
Push. Pushed. Pusher.

I feel like my ends are splitting into beginnings I can't follow.
I'd give anything to pick up where I left off.
I felt strong and secure knowing I could do it.
Strong.

Anger consumes me for not finding a deeper fall.
I knew better than to jump at all.
Except I also knew that things were to come, that haunt me now.
Jump. Jumped. Jumper.

I knew that you wanted something else.
Or maybe I'm just kidding myself.
But I swear your hand put there braced me for the means to an end.
Joke.

No, I won't have the last laugh though I smile in my sleep.
And yes, you can still have every last bit of me.
Just promise to share my meat with others.
Every. Last. Bit.

There isn't much left and I feel like thats my fault.
Sometimes when they yell I forget to listen, and that's my fault.
It hurts when steel cuts skin, and that's all their fault.
Fault.

There are times when I forget to breathe and that's ok,
Because there are times they forget to love, and that's ok.
And while we're at it let us all say, everything's ok.
Bullshit. Bullshitted. Bullshitters.

I don't mean to be foul but it's all I've ever known.
And no one showed me otherwise...
Otherwise maybe I'd be smarter than this.
Fail.

It isn't so much that I crave you.
It's more like I hate you.
And that's our fault.

There's nothing left to say.
I knew you wouldn't listen anyway.
Who knows my secret heart?
A friendship falls apart.
And I'm left laying here alone and content.
Sometimes I wonder if this is what they meant.
I guess I knew better than to hope.
But hope can shroud the mind in a natural dope.

Don't forget I was still loading when you asked if i was ok.
Now I'm "done, but with errors on page."
Broken english.
Nothing new.
Bullshit.

.thanks.