At 1.53 AM -
it came to me,
that everything seems to communicate
but you.
The moon hid behind cashmere
and I faded out
(again).
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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A vivid early morning scene, if a little sad,
well writ.
bea
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I understand this one so very well. Wonderfully expressive and so much impact in these few lines.
~ Nicolette
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I understood the last three lines better after a second read. I feel the first stanza is quite well pieced together that there may be something you could do to the ending to further continue that. I really am struck by the starkness of that first stanza; it's so brutal.
J -
This is a very good depiction of an epiphany. The entire poem illustrates a single image that is easily identifiable and satisfying at the same time. I see myself asleep, sitting bolt upright in sudden undoubted understanding, and immediately falling back down asleep under the soft glow of the moon.
Excellent write. -
well expressed
I love the image of the moon hiding behind cashmere,
I enjoyed this write very much, the fading out again like the moon is a lovely metaphore
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It is often in the middle of the night, or the wee hours of the morning that I find genius... you are no exception. It is 12.48 AM and I am in love with this very simple and lovely poem. The style is perfect for what is being said, it's like a note to self left on the nightstand to be remembered in the morning. Will the writter remember it's meaning, or continue to fade out? That is my only question.
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The moon hid behind cashmere
and I faded out
(again).
the form/ style of this is great. -
A lot was said here in so very few words. Sounds like a late night revelation of sorts. Good job remembering that in the morning lol. Well written.
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This is amazing. So much imagery and yet the poem is so simple. I can really feel this one.
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