The sun fades the light to night
moonlight takes it's place
Winds wisp in the trees outside
wishing for day to break
Lay beside you, warm tender touch
gentle against my skin
passion abounds for both of us
As the yearning jests begin
Your touch, soft petals fall
Encompassing my very soul
ravishing each stolen kiss
My body lost in love's abyss
Morning breaks night to the day
Sun kisses morning on the bay
Seagulls calling from the shore
wishing food or something more
Lay beside you, soft tender kiss
gentle on my lips
enchanted by the love of night
tender thoughts to hold on tight
your kiss, gentle breezes blow
encompassing my very soul
captivating invite on the heart
profound discernment now to start
(not sure if this is finished yet, seems like it still needs an ending~
look for more to come, this is all that is in my heart at this time)
copyright@17May2009byDeeCooper
Author notes
At 48, I'd given up at the idea of something so real ever coming my way, but thanks to this special man, sunshine and laughter are with me even on the rainy days. I recall the days that we shared in the past and am hopeful for days to come. Hope this can bring hope to those of you who like myself, had given up on love in your life.
How do you know how to end a poem when you don't know the ending of the song...
Comments
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Make the song about a moment, not a story. That way you can make it complete without knowing the end of the story. As I read this, I think it is very nice. My critical assessment is that it is struggling for an identity. I believe you are trying to communicate pure simple feelings. In this case I would stay strictly with pure simple language.
your kiss, gentle breezes blow
encompassing my very soul
captivating invite on the heart
profound discernment now to start
It seems the language here betrays the simplicity of the thoughts. That is fine for a poem, but makes for a difficult song. Will the music match the simplicity of feeling of the more high-minded language? Let's contrast with this:
Lay beside you, warm tender touch
gentle against my skin
passion abounds for both of us
As the yearning jests begin
This is not high minded at all. The feelings and the simplicity of the language match very well. It would be easy to find a melody to match both.
I like the theme and think you have great potential for a lovely song. I look forward to hearing it.
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