A glimmer of hope shone in his marble eyes over the years,
and when we first met at the Farmer's Market,
I merely commented on his large cucumber
and he smiled with cheeks as red as the swirl in a candy cane.
I inhaled his masculine scent every second that I could,
just to feel like someone wanted me
and when he extended his hand,
I held on just a second longer than most would.
He was the finest of foreign arts
speaking through his heavy Irish cream accent
just to order me a cheeseburger on our first date.
My life started and ended in the minute it took us to get to our table.
He was a stranger to me yet I felt kindred.
We were both scarred, scared and naive little boys
with hope for tomorrow in our hearts
and a marina of love to share with someone else.
But he was deported after the war had broken out
and now, I have no powder-white skin to caress
and no fire-red hair to play with.
Goodbye, 'little warrior' for you were aptly named ...
Author notes
30 seconds to Mars+Irish man names = chaos/this poem.
Cillian is an Irish boy's name that means "little warrior" and it's root means "strife" or "war".
Esperitus!
In a list
- My Faves of Mine • next in list
- 2. My Silver Winners • next in list
- 1. My Gold Winners • next in list
A contest entry
- Liberation of Poetry by cheeku.
600 points, ended June 16, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love and Joy by Sarin Rayne.
650 points, ended June 9, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INVITE CONTEST for my two groups. Friends of Trekkergirl and The Group of life by trekkergirl.
900 points, ended July 16, 80 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think of this?
Comments
1 - 61 of 61
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Never cease to amaze me my dear. Beautiful write full of emotion. Fully deserving of all the wonderful shining trophies
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Sad story, yet beautifully written. First stanza was quite funny, didn't think it would end so sad. This is definitely worth the trophies it received. You did an awesome job. I don't see too many people writing about homosexuality. I think it's a tender subject for a lot of people whether they are straight or not. I'm fascinated with the background, but then again, I am half Irish lol.
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A friend once told me that I "flame in my writes--a lot" and I liked that he said that. Several of my poems have some hints at things of the same subject matter, as I am gay... lol.
You are so awesome and worthy of my faves list! I'm Mike by the way.
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This is really well written.
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Well here's another place you can go
You have such a knack for the bittersweet, and again the contrast of romantacism and stark realism ("the finest of foreign arts"/"a cheeseburger on our first date") gives the reader a good healthy jolt, and leaves us further hanging on your words. Though it's an un-familiar perspective, I can feel every shade, colour, and texture of your desires, even if they may exist only within this one fictional work.
I know, I lay it on a little thick. But I really do love what you do with your writing. -
What do I think of this?
Congratulations on the well deserved trophies, Poet!
Because I am straight, I am sad about the homosexuality in this write BUT: and that is an IMPORTANT but: the write itself is brilliant. You are totally in control of the emotions you want to express, and you do it in an excellent way.
About me being sad: most homosexuals OR heterosexuals seem to be unhappy in this world. I can but pray that God in his mercy forgive us all. He never intended us to be unhappy. Unhappiness is mostly because of our own wrong choices, or the wrong choices of others. I do not judge people for their choices, for the person judges himself by his own actions. I do love people passionately, as I love God.
I pray for you for happiness, Mike, wherever you go. Thank you for being a kind and loving soul, and respectful towards me. I truly appreciate it!
Thank you for sharing your talent on Allpoetry -- I am privileged to read you.
Love
Myra
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wow..how sweetly innocent and yet so full of bold emotion! excellent in everyway.
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wunderbar=wonderful!! hahaha
I myself am Irish and yes as clearly stated previously the green background adds to the Irish theme and makes the reader more aware of the imagery.
It is full of emotion and intense in parts.
Great write
10/10 from me!!
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This is very intense, full of emotion and the background adds even more of an Irish element to the poem, making the reader see the imagery even more clearly.
Splendid.
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Thanks so very much.
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PS the background just shouts Irish! L.
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Tee hee!
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Beautifully told, a full story in so few lines; you give us a wide spread of emotions, sensations and images, too, so this is like watching an indie film -- concise but powerful. Thank you so much for pointing this out to me and sharing. Very well done, Mike. Lita
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Such deep sorrow is sensed here, a connection, a spark and then, separation and the title aptly fits. Love and sorrow mated and gave birth to poetry. This gives true evidence of that. Very well done.
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wow this is truly an interesting write. I love the way you described the boy and how you two met. And the sadness you felt at his departure. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into this contest.
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You're right; I do love this.
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But he was deported after the war had broken out
and now, I have no powder-white skin to caress
and no fire-red hair to play with.
Goodbye, 'little warrior' for you were aptly named ...
I love this!
The ending is sad, but the write is lovley. Awesome description in this. -
I love this! The first stanza is wonderful for its humor and descriptions. I adore the cucumber moment and the candy cane swirl. Your details are fabulous—Irish cream accent, and a first date as mundane as a cheeseburger, yet with so much meaning. The ending is so sad, and yet it's appropriate that someone with the name of Cillian is deported because of war. Congrats on the silver, and thanks so much for posting.
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Wow this is super brilliance indeedy! Congrats on your silver
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I just now got a gold, too!
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I love the way in which you capture how poignant and memorable even a short encounter may be, in this piece, when we meet one whose physical presence in our lives may be fleeting, yet lingering in spirit and memory for how they move us within. The beauty in this piece comes from the acceptance of the parting of two's ways; import being on remembrance.
"A marina of love to share with someone else" ... a beautiful line, with a hint of hope and melancholy simultaneously.
Catching up with my favourites list atm, so will check more of your works out soon
Stu
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Oh hero this is wonderful!
I am sorry it has taken me so long to come back to you and thank you for reading my work, have been struggling with a broken arm that i hope is now fixed! This is absolutely wonderful and believe me i can relate to every line! I know what it is to love, and not keep hold of! I am so pleased you wrote this and that others feel like i do - thanks man!
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thank you for entering my contest and good luck to you.
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Thanks for hosting!
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This is really good. I love the imagery and I can identify with the feeling of holding on to someone like you described. Im impressed; you've gotten better.
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[:
i love it.
(and 30 secs. to mars is awesome)
'Goodbye, 'little warrior' for you were aptly named ...'
i love the ending.
it's sad though, seeing as one of the boys is departed. ]:
amazing though.
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Thanks. Glad you liked!
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Very nice my brother.I can see there first meeting in my mind and it is so vivid.I also can feel the emotion of them together and then of there departure.It is a beautiful piece of art my brother.You inspire me to write more and for that I thank you.
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Title: 10/10
Content: 17/20
Originality: 20/20
Emotion: 8/10
Imagery: 10/10
Grammar: 10/10
Prompt: 20/20
Total: 95/100
Comments:
This poem was very original and good. I am wondering, what time period was this revolving, because I was thinking in WW2 or WW1, because of the charm in "just to order me a hamburger on the first date". I think there was a lot of emotion in poem, for the love the speaker has for this boy, so you have that part down.
I think the title is very unique, as well. I liked how you used the Irish inference in creating a good title. That part was very interesting and cool. I learned a new Irish word today.
The only suggestion is to work on the flow a little bit. That's all. Good job and good luck! -
a good poem, a heavy scent of love and longing here, it works really well, i like the holding onto the hand a second longer than most and the accent that sends shivers.
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Love crosses all boundaries... and you demonstrate that perfectly
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Outstanding! I have to say, this is one of my favorite poems I have ever read on AP The lines you used like,
"and he smiled with cheeks as red as the swirl in a candy cane."
"He was the finest of foreign art"
merely commented on his large cucumber
These were my favorites, very clever! This is a touching, enjoyable, innocent (and more!) poem! The emotions going through this poem are portrayed so well! Thank you for sharing this with us, and entering it in my contest!
Just out of curiosity because I don't want to interpret this wrong, is this a same sex relationship? If so very well done! I like that you used that concept so openly in this poem!
Keep on writing=D
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Yep. It's two guys.
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I forgot to tell you my favourite part...
Of course I love the allusion to the cucumber.
But I adore the line about his "heavy Irish cream accent". I adore accents, and it made me hungry for something besides food.
Love it! -
It's about connection (to the poet below). A fascinating, close, deep, and sweet connection between two souls. You did a FABULOUS job, Hero!! I love this! I adore your writing, and it always fascinates me when you write about this sort of thing. I love what you do with words. Splendid!
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sweetie great poem and good flow and descriptions ... but to be honest im not sure i have any idea what this is about?....
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Two guys in love. One of 'em is not from America and he is deported... lol.
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love reveals itself in many strange ways. love's hold and love's loss are felt very much the same. love at first sight with only a moment to savor is a shame in it's entirety. Great emotion, a writer's perfection.
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I am a bit confused here. Is this a poem as a guy on guy relationship? If it is I have no problem. I believe it is a brave step to gensture forward in a up-tight world. I admire your courage.
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Thanks so much and yes, this is about two men...lol.
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Wow, I love the playful innocent tone to describe your relationship with this "little warrior". It's so sweet, and it saddens me, because I'm starting to see a slowly revealed untold story in your poems (keep in mind I just discovered you, so I'm learning as I go). You really put your soul into your poems, which is something a novice poet like me can admire.
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Thanks so much. I am glad that you feel that way. I need to stop by and read some of your poems one day soon. Maybe, I will in just a few minutes. Thanks for your kind comments.
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this is wonderful
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This is wonderful, sweetie.. There is just a couple of things I would fix for it though.. The first line should be 'shone' in his marble eyes over the years and the 3rd line should read I merely commented 'on' his large cucumber.. Picky, maybe, but they make the poem read much smoother..
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Thanks so much! O edited and totally understand what you mean. Most of the time, I do not get what the heck people are trying to tell me when they comment with an edit suggestion! Hugs!
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You always write with such beautiful imagery. when i read the line "heavy Irish cream accent" i started to get hungry. This is a lovely write as always! keep it up
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Tee hee! Glad you liked it!
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Aww this is so lovely!!!
Marvelous write, fantastic flow and imagery throughout here. I think this is one of my favorites of your pieces!
Bravo!
♥ Kate
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Spit spot cheerio~!
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I'm not in much of a comment-y mood, but
WOW I love this. everything's perfect. it's beautiful. I liked the candy-cane bit, and the irish cream accent, too.
rock it out, squish, you clever dog you.
(and the other one? *begs*)
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I think it's off in the first stanza...read it out loud....it's easier to find mistakes that way! ^_^
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Ah. I see what you mean and I do belive that I have fixed the problem. Lemme know, hon!
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YEAH! Good job! it's way better now! ^_^
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really good and the imagrey is awesome i loved it
it was very cute and inocent and thats a 100% in my book
My Favorite Part::
"When we first met, at the Farmer's Market,
I merely commented his large cucumber
and he smiled with cheeks as red as the swirl in a candy cane." this made me laugh and smile
great job one of your best
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Thanks so much, hon!
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no problem
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I love it, but I feel as though the flow may be a bit off. I'm not sure how you would fix it though, but just a bit. Other than that I love this. The details...the candy cane swirl was an awesome blush idea. Very nice!
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Okies. Thanks so much! If ya spot where the flow seems to be off, then please let me know!
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oh yes this is rich
this is you at your best, loved the cucumber and the farmers market, this is fresh and completely amusing
i just love it, grin
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Tee hee! Your grin made me smile! Glad ya liked this one, Auntie!
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