we lie together
smokey breath tickling my neck
you pant in my ear
"soften the lens"
____
lost in gray
we mistake this
for gentleness
____
here
without light
we hide this picture
of twisted steaming
wreckage
beneath the sighs
____
my sorrow
sticks
to every part of you
and you call it love
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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really love this one. i love the simplicity of the lines
which creates stronger lines--
second and fourth are your strongest vignettes
on fourth i wonder about
sticks to
rather than is stuck to
small point.. good poem.. great dynamics
m
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: )
very beautiful, nice finisher -
I loved it all, strong and powerful...
and the last stanza is great, but I almost think it would be more powerful without that final line.
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last part is my favorite.
gorgeous.
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yes. beautiful.
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beautiful.
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Are you writing for me?
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wow, this is fantastic
i love the simplicity and the way the line breaks stretch out the pauses between moments
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What did Cat ask for...? "...subtlety,softness...?"
Yup, this is it!
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Wow, this read like a natural conversation and conveyed subtleness.
Loved this,
All the best,
mj.
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