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She

 

I have always loved you

Its all that I have known

I'm the one to patch you, I'm your man

 Life is when you'll be there

And then pour into my soul

A sudden blaze that scintillates

To make my day

Forever hold my hand.

 

I am right besides you, don't think

I am never there

Like I said, you just make my day

The stormy wind can't take me

girl I'll never leave your shore

We'll be watching clearly

The sunset

time & time again...

 

You're someone that I wear

to show off all my fame

Luck chose just to gift me

And there you were, you stood true

and you brightened up this lad

I found myself entirely

and for my sake

Forever hold my hand. 

Any critique is appreciated, so please help me improve.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • SteveS gold member
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful poem. Well done. I think, for me, the word "just" in the last stanza takes away from the grandness of the gift....Maybe something like "Luck chose you as my gift"


    • Pristine
      May 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the feedback Steve. After reading the poem again with your line, I think it would surely have sounded nice. But I was writing it as a song and that line just fits in!


  • just mercedes gold member
    May 16
    Edit | Reply
    interesting take on a guy's point of view - well done!