My life is already written out for me,
i cannot fight my destiny,
so let me revel in it,
let it envelope me,
let it sweep me away
with my feet planted firmly on the ground,
on that night kismet spat raindrops of such intensity,
they hammered down hard to the earth,
adjourning the suspense of my future.
the Structured order of my being,
was torn apart,
leaving me raw,afraid and exposed.
sanctuary could not be taken from
my voice of reason this time,
nor by my mentor.
every part of my life drawing me closer to him
...including me.
curse you oh vivid subsconscious,
how dare you
slither out into my poetry,
to tel me things
i have not yet myself realised.
he's laid down his cards,
yet i dont knw my own.
taunting tarot,what game are we playing,
when if he wins,
so do i.
am i the joker in his hurricane of poker,
or is he d last one in my russian roulette.
i'm scared of dis ocean,
but i want to dive in,
how can this pier
also be my anchor?
his scent is my anesthesia
that renders me powerless
and clouds my consciousness.
in a meddly of maternal catalysts
and bizzare dreams,
a story begins to mould itself
in the new pages of an old book.
i am waiting for something extraordinary to happen,
only now realising,
that it has already.
Author notes
K A J A L L U T C H M I N A R I A N
Posh&perfect
'sooner or later it all comes down to fate, i might as well be the one.'-(only the good die young.)
A contest entry
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• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What is your interpretation?or favourite part of the poem?
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Intriguing.
on that night kismet spat raindrops of such intensity,
- Liked that.
A couple of things you might want to fix up:
the Structured order of my being,
- You don't need to capitalise structured.
leaving me raw,afraid and exposed.
- Add a space between raw and afraid.
curse you oh vivid subsconscious,
- subconscious.
to tel me things
- tell
yet i dont knw my own.
- don't know.
taunting tarot,what game are we playing,
- Space, again.
or is he d last one in my russian roulette.
- What's the d for? Chatspeak for "the"?
i'm scared of dis ocean,
- this.
in a meddly of maternal catalysts
- medley.
and bizzare dreams,
- bizarre.
a story begins to mould itself
- mold.
Thank you for entering.
♥ -
Well written
Loved the part:
"curse you oh vivid subsconscious,
how dare you
slither out into my poetry,
to tel me things
i have not yet myself realised."
I understand that all too well.
Thanks for entering, well done and good luck!
X
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nicely written piece of poetry and thank you for
entering our contest......novy & brazos....
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Thanks so much for entering
&&
Good luck
[if you are placed in the finalists I will leave a better comment] -
Amazeing!
You tell & speak perfect image here of weakness & giving of ones self to another whole-ly. Without question--And it's beautiful--In its exprestion of that!! Thanks--R.H.
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I really enjoyed reading this piece. Your title intruiged me, and I was hanging on your every word right up til the very end.
"or is he d last one in my russian roulette.
i'm scared of dis ocean"
Nooooooo though, I don't like this abbreviated "the" or "this". The piece proves you're perfectly literate... Don't ruin the gorgeous words and imagery, please. =]
"am i the joker in his hurricane of poker,"
Cunning internal rhyme. I like your word play and metaphor.
Yes, I love this piece indeed, and would love to hear more from you. You're in the finalists, and through to the next round. =3
Congrats x
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Thank you very much.
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The first three lines are a great start to the poem, particularily the third one. What I find curious about this one is the line of thought, because it seems to be a myriad of assosiations brought together in one piece, each line fuelling the next one. This makes for interesting reading, but also makes it a challenge to follow where you're going with it.
I only have a few pointers for you: Remember capital letters after full stops and on "I", check your punctuation and spellcheck your poem, because there are a few silly mistakes that shouldn't have to be there.
Remember to put in your author's notes:
1. Your choice of option
2. the name of your new write
3. Your nomination -
its an amazing poem, well writen and flows well, the ues of language is amazing/ thanks for enering and good luck
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Thanks for reading.and having the capacity to appreciate the flow
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I like this very much, the language you choose sort of all compliments the next verse, and its a great take on the lines you chose
thanks
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Im glad you liked it. It was coincidental that the language correlated to the next idea... This was one of those writes that just flew outta me.
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Yes and yes. im not from india though.
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yeah that is fate
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Apple, im becoming a doc... Ironic, 'cause your name: an apple a day...
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does that mean you are doing MBBS . hey you look from india , which part are you from?
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A vivid expression in your writing. Filled with emotion. Good luck in the contest.
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I agree an interesting piece. A lot of feelings and emotions are in this. I also believe we control our destiny. Nice work. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Thank you for your time and kind words.i feel that i must elaborate on the 'destiny' aspect.in the poem,it simply means my feelings for him and where they are leading me.in practical terms,i do believe we can control our future.but i don't think we can always control our hearts.but i love writing in a way that is open and could mean different things to everyone.thanks again -kaj
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Interesting. Good expression. I believe we control our destiny. Are the spellings intentional? Be Well.
Mark
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