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the moment (haibun)


~


I can hear the sound of my breath, exhaling.  The breeze picks it up with a bit of puffy down, twirling in a vortex along a dusty pathway. A swallow circles the white bit of fluff whirling this way, then that, until finally

in a suspended split-second the bird snatches the fluff flying quickly under the eaves of the deserted bank, to make another deposit into a newly-made nest.

small town
the second-hand shop sign
says 'cash only'



~~~

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Comments


  • zt
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    I must say I'm new to haibun (This being the first day I've looked at them probably warrants a "very new"). Should the haiku have a closer connection to the prose? Just curious. I like this form you are focussing on now. Very interesting...


    • Emerald13
      May 27
      Edit | Reply
      well ... even 'very new' is generous ! ...

      this haibun was written completely around the observation ... the haiku came first - a straight out observation and just when i was feeling completely deflated by the whole 'deserted main street scenario' (the only thing missing was the tethered horse outside the pub) the little bird flew before me just as i describe reminding me that we just continue and do what we do ...

      i so enjoyed it and heard that enjoyment in that initial exhale ...

      you dont see a connection between the haiku and the prose ? ...
      small town .... closed bank ... cash only .... however for your further edification ...

      from the editor of Simply Haiku i take this explanation of the haiku in haibun ... "Haiku ... relate to previous prose sections yet not be an extension of the prose. The oblique but relevant association between haiku and prose is the defining moment of the haibun. ... The haiku link offers readers a springboard to multiple, and often unexpected, meanings."

      i enjoyed thinking on your thinking >> Gina


      • zt
        May 27
        Edit | Reply
        No, I saw the connection with the dying town. I just wondered if it was supposed to be closer tied to the subject, which seemed to be more the bird than the town itself. After reading your haibun, I went out on the web to read up on the form before commenting. The few samples I read all seemed to have the prose and haiku more closely tied than in yours. My question was not a criticism. It was meant for my own edification, as you so put it. ~smile~