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Fields and Valleys

The river canyon stands
testament to the battle
between grace and will.
Its solid face carved away
by the river's nimble demands.

At the end of the day, the water
has won its way and brought
bits of the cliff's adamant surface
along on its journey.  The valleys
are what becomes of one when
the day is done and all life's
immutable demands have run
their inevitable courses.

Still, I am left to wonder what
plains and fields the world
might know if the stone had
simply yielded passage to the flow.

And I am compelled to question
how much I'd miss the valleys.

What did you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Maureen silver member
    June 11

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    Excellent, thought-provoking poem!

    Hi Deb,

    It was a pleasure reading this! Your words always find their way to my heart and mind. I'm always curious what I'll find..in your company.

    With fond good wishes,
    <3 Maureen


  • HammeR
    May 26

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    I loved the outline you followed on this write, first we get the opening, then facts, then speculation.....very clever way of telling the way of the world.
    I am not one to comment on the proper selections of blank verse rules as the whole concept is lost upon my rhyming mind. I do know what I like and what I dont and this piece I do like, actually I enjoyed its creativeness immensely!

    Thank you for sharing.

    Kenny


  • stompsalot
    May 20

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    Awesome write! Very moving and inspiring write! You chisel away at the heart and soul of what is yet to come! Thanks for sharing your talented work with us.
    Blessings and *stomps


  • EstherG
    May 17

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    Lovely snapshot...and I think you've done here what poems SHOULD do, what they set out to do: capture a thought, a feeling, a response and share it so the reader thinks, "Oh yes - I've often thought that, too". Or if they haven't, then opening them up to new perspective.

    The only thing I would suggest as a possible change is the line "will and grace", which I sort of stumbled over, as it made me think immediately of the TV show...maybe just invert the line to 'grace and will' so that you keep exactly what you were trying to say without substituting words...?

    Beautiful, anyway. And I think you'd miss the valleys a lot.

    On a sort of related slant, my friend and I went to Yorkshire this week, which is about an hour's drive, and the scenery was just incredible - all huge white skies and open fields, gorgeous. And this poem reminded me of that.