Let fly the colors of eternity!
For our moment of triumph,
shall resound through the abyss of time,
as the million shards of a beautiful life.
We will not return here.
These greens and greys will fade away,
and sickly Lord Sleep with his soft eyes,
must commend us to an early rest.
It is not the end, for you see,
nothing ever truly ends.
We are all particle of a different dream,
so when we lay our weary souls down,
we must begin to dream anew.
We must not lock the vault, not now!
Not when there are so few smiles,
to spread their light in this world.
No, not now. Capture this moment,
let it live in the palace of our minds,
to eat and drink the spoils of the stars,
among the rich colors of eternity.
Author notes
The titles of my poems are "Lord Sleep" and "Window."
A contest entry
- write good poems by TOEchikira.
470 points, ended June 10, 15 entries
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Bronze trophy winner
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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The words you used are stunning. Such a simple poem, yet so powerful. Thank you for sharing.
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A beautiful write, my friend; thankyou so much for entering, and I wish you the best of luck!
Maria
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very pretty poem with some great imagry and metaphors. Thank you so much for taking the time to enter my contest
huggles
Lena -
Wow, this truly captivated me.
I love your stunning visuals
and all of the beautiful
metaphors strung together.
Masterpiece.
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
Noticeable Improvement
I really like this newer poem better than your first. It seemed to me that it was less forced, and came out more freely. This allowed it to make better sense and flow easily. Your wording is better I think. Everyone has their own style of writing and I am sure I have only caught a glimpse of yours. I wrote free verse a lot when I was first starting out. Free verse is sometimes harder than rhyming. Great job on this. Great improvements.
Thanks for entering!
Niki
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Thank you!
Glad to have input on both poems, and I'll take your suggestion about asking for critiques. I had always hoped it would be understood that I welcome comments of all stripes, but that will help me make sure. -
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You are welcome! Good luck!
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I have just added a rule to the contest. You entered before I had it on there so I wanted to inform you. Please put the titles of both poems you entered in your author comments. This is the only way I will be able to judge it. Thanks you so much and thank you for entering!
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"Million shards of beautiful life"
"Sickly lord sleep with his soft eyes"
Very powerful imagery in this one. It sort of has that 4 am conversation feel to it.
"It is not the end, for you see
nothing ever truly ends."
That's really the only part of the whole poem I'd have quarrel with. It fits thematically of course, but it's not at strong as your other lines.
I look at the very next line "We are all particle of a different dream" and I ask myself if you meant particle, or part, or something else. But know, that is clearly on purpose---and such power in that choice of wordage.
Very beautifully done, as usual.
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this is beautiful. thanks for entering and goodluck!
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