This concealed hatred
It can no longer suffice,
I want you to pay
So I will sacrifice,
You.
Ripping out your heart,
And cutting off your head
I will destroy you,
Even after you're dead.
I want your blood,
I want your soul
Light your body,
With fire and coal.
I want you to suffer,
I want you to die
I want to taste blood,
That is no lie.
Ripping out your rib cage,
Cutting out your guts
Watching as you bleed,
Marked with constant cuts.
Suffocation,
Violation
Desecration,
Decapitation.
Author notes
Hatred
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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WOW. this was really good. I loved it!! holy man! just..WOW! it left me speechless which is a hard thing to do. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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Wow, tell it like it is. I think you translated the emotion here quite effectively.
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Cool poem I love it
Your words are like water running softly in my mind, I love it (AWESOME) -
wooo. creepy much?
well done and best of luck
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My fav Part!
!
I want your blood,
I want your soul
Light your body,
With fire and coal.
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Good
Quite a game you have going on here, very dark, but I guess that is what the contest is about. I wonder if "I can no longer suffice" is grammatically correct, it jumped out at me as being a little odd. I think there needs to be an article for it not to suffice. It may be worth revising that line. Also, in echoing the first stanza here, perhaps the second stanza would flow better like this....
I want your blood,
I want your soul
Light your body,
With fire and coal.
I want you to suffer,
I want you to die
I want to taste blood,
That is no lie.
Just a couple of thoughts...I enjoyed the poem, it really gave me the creeps lol...
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