I stood in solitude
as my conscience was prickled
by the thorns of humble feud
which grew through the thicket of self induced
unholy bath in the shower of gulits brew,
interests and greed, nurtured and preached.
Near the sea of wisdom, I was dying of thirst.
The sky rumbled the cry of my
silent tears and fate so cursed,
lashing the chained, sinful soul
and sought no mercy of this instant toll.
The blood gushed, but heart remained cold.
I could have escaped to freedom
but something held me, firm.
I dont know what made me come
and serve again the brutish term.
Was there a possible way out
from the unforgiving land of dreary clout???
I gathered the strength and stood
bit back fear:met patience and faith instead.
The pain eased and I saw light ahead.
Wounds cracked, followed the path which lead
to the bank of perseverance and success
where I was healed through trust and blessed.
A realisation dawned that life is a conquest,
to bear the fruit of hardwork and zest
where you will be beaten and shaped on anvil,
the scars which glow, will then instill
the mark of your infinite glory,
intense, a legend in the history.
What do you all feel?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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It makes me think thats for sure. If i may just been a little critiqual now:
The last line on te first two stanza's feel as if they need some thing else after them insted of a new stanza. Not sure if that is just me or what but the flow in everything else is all very good.
You were doing a rythm at the end of each line yes? Some of them need work, there are a few very clever rythms well done but there are some cheesy ones you could redo soon, perhaps.
Best of luck,
Gorecki.
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A thought provoking poem indeed!
Tis never easy to admit
That sometimes we act like a twit
As wisdom, hope and faiths rapport
Comes knocking gently at our door
We sometimes will not, despite all
Let go of that that holds us thrall
Instead we haggle to the end
Die of thirst in wash of sand
Whilst wells of water running deep
Snake beneath us at our feet
Too proud to look or realise
What’s in front of our own eyes
Learning from our past mistakes
Letting go for our own sake
Moving onward to the light
Shedding past, whilst making right
Gives us all a chance once more
To close the past, shut history’s door
And move afresh into the sun
As though a new life has begun
An interesting and delightful expose on lifes past mistakes. I like it a lot, so much so that I have written my own poetic response. Well done
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intriguing and excellent write. very captivating and powerful write.
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I really like this one. it kept me hooked.
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Very well done. I really enjoyed this write. My favorite parts of this is:
"I gathered the strength and stood
bit back fear:met patience and faith instead.
The pain eased and I saw light ahead.
Wounds cracked, followed the path which lead
to the bank of perseverance and success
where I was healed through trust and blessed.
A realisation dawned that life is a conquest,
to bear the fruit of hardwork and zest
where you will be beaten and shaped on anvil,
the scars which glow, will then instill
the mark of your infinite glory,
intense, a legend in the history."
Great job Thanks for sharing. -
I like the images you've chosen, and the rhyme scheme works most of the time (but I think the rhythm falters when the scheme is bent or broken). There are lots of good messages imbedded within your poem—adversity can be overcome, history becomes legendary in the light of triumph, etc. Thank you for sharing.
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interesting write I am not real sure I understand what it is about but your words just seem to draw me in... make me want to read more. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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I like this very much. Very nice rhyme scheme and imagery. Very well done.
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