Desensitized

All throughout our freshman year we sat at the same table every day, making vastly uninformed views about the world. We criticized Bush, talked about things we knew nothing of, were ridiculed and fought back. When we saw Schindler's List we all cried, but within a week it was all forgotten.

I'm always shaken up by movies. If I don't cry, I feel like it but the tears just don't come. Half my tears are fake, just to put up the facade that I am sensitive, so I can be one of the people who cries at movies, so I can romanticize my life in any small way. I don't know whether I'm pretending or not.

When we watched Hotel Rwanda just this week, you both said you wanted to go out and join the Red Cross. Did you really mean it? I mean, I am a romantic, but I'm practical. I've spent hours thinking about people who go out into war zones, into dangerous neighborhoods, to try and make a change, knowing their life may be the price. They are my heroes because they are doing something I'm not sure I could do. Did you think about that, or is it just a phase?

I'm a cynic, unfortunately. Add the romance and the realism, shake thoroughly with the reality of the world and bake with the hate and you have me. But then think that I am only experiencing what I can imagine, all these emotions might not even be real.

I'm so desensitized I can't even tell.