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portrait

 

 

breeze poked its finger into a dove coloured wisp 
                                                 and wiggled it                                                     

 I imagined I could crawl through the
         shifting    gap              
just in time to watch rays stitch it up

and settle with tangled stripes
in the background
of an early spring portrait

 

 

 

Author notes

prompt: http://m0thyyku.deviantart.com/art/portrait-113747474

why right align? no idea. but it looks fun doesn't it?

In a list

A contest entry

.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • bird at rose
    August 8

    Edit | Reply

    Simplicity that makes you keep pondering

    When I think of a, 'portrait,' I see belonging, collaged with a story behind it, not just a thrown picture. In this poem I feel a security through how you were left out in the wilderness of loneliness, but then nature opens a shelter of drama. Your face belongs here where serenity draws your heart out ... lol, "and settle with tangled stripes in the background," shows things don't have to be perfect as long as you feel at home in creation.

    You're similar to me, in perspective of nature, congratulations on gold,
    bird at rose

  • A-muse-in-writer
    July 3
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    love the imagery in this, simply fantastic. Very well crafted and such imagination.

  • J Macabre gold member
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    i can see why you won gold with this one. I like how its set to the right rather then the left.
    I love your surreal yet profound style.


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    YOU DID THIS FABULOUS POEM off that prompt!
    thud!
    falls dead upon the floor!

    (oh, that's going to leave a bump too)

    fav.lines:
    I imagined I could crawl through the
    shifting gap
    just in time to watch rays stitch it up

    and I'm sure we'll gap-our-mouths
    wide open upon the final
    illustrated last line...spring portrait!

    alll of that pic prompt!
    wow...way to write!!!
    ears/Seattle


  • dieu.
    May 16
    Edit | Reply
    oooh i like this one. finalist.


  • white stone
    May 16

    Edit | Reply
    I like where you're going with it. It could certainly stand as is, it's a complete tableau this way, but it definitely has an opening for more, if you so choose.


  • white stone
    May 15
    Edit | Reply
    What a minimalist portrait you've painted here. Very avant garde of you...
    (-


  • dieu.
    May 14

    Edit | Reply
    your prompt is:

    http://m0thyyku.deviantart.com/art/portrait-113747474

    good luck!

1 - 8 of 8