I lay upon my bed
To rest my dozy head,
Take a deap breath in,
Get out my pin
Make cuts here and there
Why is life so unfair?
Trapped forever cant get out
So I scream and shout,
More and more rage
I'm trapped in a cage
So now I rest my dozy head,
Upon my blood stained bed...
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Overall it was great 8/10 the last stanza was full of emotion and I can picture it good job = )
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this has a really great flow. i love the emotion of it. great write :]
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thank you =)
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Yeah, your rhyming scheme is really good. I like this poem.
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thanks im glad you liked it
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Pretty good emotion. I dare say though, that this didn't tickle my pickle. These types of poems are so cliche. Your rhyme scheme was really good, and the imagery was alright. I suggest more metaphor to spice up your imagery. Cutting poems can be made your own if you know how to work the keys. Overall, I'd give this a 7/10. Keep it up and keep writing. Good job and good luck in all you do as a poet.
Josh
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thanks ive written better than this! ill take your comment on board,thanks again josh
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this is a greta poem and i luv the emotion, and flow of it all. absolutely amazing huni !!! <3333
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thanks huni xox
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This poem is leaking with pure emotion! I loved it Shanice it was amazing. I like how your rhyimng your poems now. I love to rhyme lol. Just one thing..1st stanza 5th line, I would take the a out of 'heare' so it makes 'here'. other then that it was great! keep it up.
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ooppps thanks for that spelling mistake hehe thanks for the comment babes x
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Full of emotion, it definitely shows. Nice work, I like the rhyme scheme, which is unusual for me as I normally hate rhyme.
Good job.
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