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I know i've gone insane

Being faithful to you
Feels like its going to kill me
But i know it's what i have to do
If i want to be beautiful

Because you know whats right and whats wrong
Forget the song on the radio,
Screaming at me to stop
That the media is to blame
I swear I'm going to go insane

It's your sweet breath
and the way you point at me
that drives me this way
that makes me prey
that this hell on Earth
may die away some day

I must obey you,
oh sweet self distruction
if i want my hip bones to protrude
and my back bones to stick out
I must loose another 20 pounds
I must purge until blood comes out

With my hands gripping the cold porcealin of the toilet seat
I can hear my mother from down the hall
She will never understand
She doesnt know why i cry
She pretends to care
As i waste away and die

The night closes in on me
And everything falls black
This can't be death
I can still feel the pain of that last cut
I hear the sirens then
And know i will survive

I dont want to die
I dont want to die

I feebly attempt to stand up
And my mind feels dizzy
I pick up the razor blade
And cut again in a rush
You force me to do this
I cry out in pain
As the blood pours from the gash on my wrist
I know I've gone insane.


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Comments


  • Amethyst77
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem! These lines are my favorite, very intense.
    ''..and my back bones to stick out
    I must lose another 20 pounds
    I must purge until blood comes out''

  • Claire.
    June 5
    Edit | Reply
    Deep, true and beautiful. I can relate.

  • frostany
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    This poem captures so much of the pain that people with eating disorders go through, for people with eating disorders and cutters it can often feel like you're going crazy. The truth is people do what they do as a way to feel better it's unfortunately the only way some people know how to feel better.

    I hope that some day you are able to find new ways to cope, and until then keep writing so other people know they're not alone, by writing poems like this you help people going through similar experiences know that they're not alone and you also can purge your feelings in a more healthy mannter.