Read what I cannot touch
Poem's - whose designe is unfathomable
Compared to mine- All these words and syllables
Like razors in my eye's-Sharpened by his gift of poetry
Blood squirt drips of jealousy trickle down my lip's
Those words eclipse all my wishes to express what is me
Like the creaking of my open bedroom door at night
This gift of poetry I cannot fathom- Nor attempt to fight
These pools of poetic blood soak my pillows
Wile me lay here drowning in my own pathetic mud
A contest entry
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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this is great, but i do suggest using a grammar check.
i like the language choices, and the imagery, but maybe a little longer? -
Wow, this poem sounded very dark! But in a good way
I liked your word choice, it definitely fit the poem. Great write, keep up the good work and thanks for entering my contest
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haha!
i think alot of us feel that way sometimes... jeezz i know i do
and i think you have great poetry if ur comming up with stuff as good as this!
well done and thankyou for entering my contest sunshine
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Thanks for entering, and best of luck.
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Your content here is something we can all relate to, I think. I like the lips/eclipse word choice - clever internal rhyme. I'm not too fussed about the end rhyme though - feels a little clichéd and forced. I don't think you need any of those apostrophes. 'Designe' should be 'design', don't you think?
Thanks for entering...
DancingRed.
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wow. this was interesting.
"Those words eclipse all my wishes" - WHOA! i love that bit.
very creatively penned. keep writing
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oh i dont know ...
i think you're fathoming just fine
keep penning .. you got some talent
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hmmmmmmm this was very interesting to me. i can compeltely relate. i'm the very same way, but still the poem itself just didn't seem very... poetic. i think you could have worded some things differently. like mud. mud isn't very fitting for the poem. but that's just my opinion. i liked the descriptions like here; These pools of poetic blood soak my pillows... thats beautiful. thats description. but the whole thing didnt quite flow. still thanks for entering.... =]
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o.o
I like this and I think you should finish it
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oooh this is a great greatly great poem it demands a bunch of respect it is etched with such a sense of style and personality that i couldnt help but to catch my breath with every single like because they where just simply stunning each and every one of them good luck in the competition each and every entry is apreciated thank you for sharing your art with us
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great imagery so dark and bleak I really loved this I think my favorite by you so far. i loved this par in particular:
Like the creaking of my open bedroom door at night
This gift of poetry I cannot fathom- Nor attempt to fight
These pools of poetic blood soak my pillows -
please mention what this form is???
Adding your comment:
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