Swallowing hard
I hold back tears that
Drench my throat
While on your salt-water throne I see
You chase the siren's call again
Why is it always her and
Everything that I can never be
And why is it that
It's your back I always see
Although you inevitably return and
I keep playing the fool
And if fool me once is shame on me
Then I am fooled for life.
Trapped alone in my mind within
The ghost of your memory
Haunts me relentlessly
Cross-bones and gold treasures
You seek to find
At the expense of any for convenience' sake
Nevertheless it appears I'm just a driftwood heart
So like before
I'll watch you sail away.
Author notes
Just a fun contest poem, but finding a title was next to impossible. Still don't know if i am satisfied with it!
Written March 11th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Contest for new March members ~Come Sail Away~ by Barbara.
300 points, ended April 3, 2004, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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"...salt-water throne...driftwood heart..."
Beautiful imagery like this only comes from a rare talent found in the heart of a poet. I kept thinking, "No man is an island..." even though "...[chasing] the siren's call..." is a direct denial of what [he] really is. This is a moving and really beautiful piece. -
My theory on Memories (a random entry from my journal) is...
It amazes me the little things that trigger memories of past love - songs, familiar places, familiar smells, words, and all kinds of other random things. Sometimes these memories make me feel sad and regretful. As always - as time goes by - most painful memories gradually fade back behind the happy ones. Most of the time these happy memories are more vague. I'm not so much referring to memories of certain events - but of certain aspects of certain those people. I remember mannerisms and facial expressions like with smiles and laughs... features of her body like the curves in the corners of her lips or color of her eyes... and so many characteristics of her personality... all things that made the person who they were and made them unique. But all of those are pictures and images - all things that can't be put into words. There's not enough detail to capture them in drawings - so I guess they're mine (and mine alone). -
I like this title
Its a lovely thought for tears to be the sea...
As for the poem - gorgeous!
Good luck in the contest!
Hayley x x -
Oh I like this. 'She' being the sea that calls to the man whilst this lonely heart is left on shore. Beautiful mind pictures, and a lovely entry - Good Luck
~Von~ -
I can feel the sea breezes with your poem. Great descriptive words!
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What a plesant surprise you are! This is delicious. It is smooth, poetic, and filled with emotion. It has an almost haunting tune to it. I love the song it sings. Thanks for sharing your hear with us.
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lovely piece and very well written...nice emotion and imagery...well done!!...good luck in the contest!..hugs..leanne xx
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Great job at expressing your emotions. The word choice is good although I think it could be spiced up a bit (dictionary.com - thesarus is a very helpful tool in replacing some words with more descriptive phrasings). Overall a well done piece.
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this is really good....your poetry is very beautiful and touching!
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Wow, you did an excellent job on this. I didn't need to see the picture they posted, your words put it there. Thank you so much for sharing this, good luck in the contest.
take care -
oh, and always was the only other one used more than once. It's neat how someone can see a few dittos and I can't..heheheh! That's why we need this community. Bless you, CookieZeal
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Thank you for your message CookieZeal. In response, the repetition of the word "fool" was intentional. It is a play on words from the adage "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" I just put a twist to it.
Also, could you clarify what else you find repetetive? I believe relentlessly was only used once. Perhaps the flow of this poem insinuate repetition, i will look at it again.. Thanks again for your comment! -
I found this to be most lyrical!!! I really like it.
It would supply much thought into the painting.
Poet invites critical review
I would try and substitute some words that are used often, such as "relentlessly, fool"....so that your very special and potent message is kept separate!
Thank you for entering and welcome to this special writing forum!!!
Warmly, CookieZeal
iiiii -
Thank you for the comment, in the third stanza, yes, it is a typo. I fixed it though.
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Niiice. I like it. Such a sad tale of longing and wondering. "chase the siren's call again"...wonderful line!
The line breaks made the flow a little choppy at the beginning, but it was flowing nicely near the end. (Third stanza, first line...should the 'my' be 'me'?)
Thank you for entering this
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