I can still hear you yowling in the night
As I slink past the spot where you used to lie.
Iron man, close your eyes,
And tell me this world does not exist.
Inflated deception dancing in my mind,
Frequent betrayal ringing in my ears,
These things cannot be real, I fear,
Yet here we are...
And it's all a facade for the world.
~Jessica Lee
5/25/09
10:17 PM
A contest entry
- Pick a word - Write a poem in 10 LINES or Less (Y) by The Fun House.
1050 points, ended June 7, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I like that this piece is slightly abstract but it seems to lose strength for me. The last two lines of the first stanza are great and intriguing. But I like the piece. I do think that the last line you could remove completely because the rest of the poem seems to say just that.
I think if you were going for a more abstract flow I would rework it a tad and remove some of the unnecessary words but overall I did enjoy it and you did a good job with the prompt
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