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~*Broken Hearted*~

I never feel good enough for you
And I do what I can
To make your dreams come true
Yet I am left torn inside

I have put my life on hold
And when I hold my dream
You crush it so cold
Selfishly consuming what I give

My heart shatters
Every time you speak
Of your own selfish matters
And ignore my bleeding heart

Your cold calculations
The life you've chosen to live
Soul breaking manipulations
Love that you forsake

You chose the life you live
And my heart breaks
With the love I give
When you push aside my dreams

So I stop and take a breath

Knowing deep down it's time

And sadly I am bereft

That the end is so near...

 

 

Author notes

Picture inspiration: http://rockgem.deviantart.com/art/You-won-t-fix-it-122062338

Okay, an explanation:
My sister has chosen not to have children. That is her and her husband's choice. It is not Mine, and My husband's. However, unfortunately, because of cost of living out here In Cali, It makes it extremely difficult to live on your own. We all share a place together, and this way we can all live a little more comfortably rather then struggling from pay check to paycheck constantly. We still struggle a bit, but it could be so much worse. We live on the lower side of comfortable but still well enough to help our other sister when she's in need.

Anyhow to make a long story short, Every time I talk about wanting babies, she always has a negative comment to make, like How are we going to afford 10,000 a yr more.. And what really irks me, is that she is willing to go invest in a new car rather then family.. which in my and my husband opinion is extremely selfish. And we've decided that we cannot continue to have the situation continue. It's our lives and we are going to live it.

And truthfully, It breaks my heart... Especially after almost loosing her 2 yrs ago to a brain tumor... So yea.. My heart is big but it can only take so much punishment.

Period.
Finito.
Finished.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • kareneisenlord gold member
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    This is so painful and raw. It is oozing with grief and disappointment. It is hard to distance oneself from a beloved family member. You have a right to your own choices and fulfilling your dreams and happiness in life. I hope that all is well with you and that you are well on your way to seeing your dreams realized! miss you... karen

  • Bob Fox
    July 16

    Edit | Reply

    Cherry

    How often is it in relationships that one only thinks such things. The fear of failure maybe. But it take courage to move on & again you have penned another poem worth the readers attention. Excellent poet.

  • Bob Fox
    July 16
    Edit | Reply

    Poet

    when I readyour poem all thatcame to mind was a selfish sibling. After reading your explanation I think it is better to makes your own chioces in life. THe shame is in these times where ' change ' is short, what does one do. But I think your children will be much loved.


  • Kari gold member
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this gave me tears. I loved how personal you made this, and it just flows with emotions. I am so sorry that you and your sister go through all of that.

    Thanks for your entry.


    Kari

1 - 5 of 5