Self-destruct

Feeling trapped and cornered
The walls I never noticed
Are closing in
I can hardly breath some days
The oxygen just too much
It's all so poisonous
It's killing me with every second
I'm addicted ,confined ,and confused
The venom running through my veins
Keeps my thoughts from running straight
Trying too hard to make it all right
I'm too far gone
It's much too late
"Rescue me"
What a foolish notion
A fairy tale I once believed
How can I be saved from harm
When it's me
Who is all the danger
Me who delivers the icy wrath
Creating these sickening scars
A joke is all
Meaningless
Like everything else in my pathetic life
I'm heading further down hill
Faster then any girl should
I feel like it's not me
Like I'm watching this imposture
Throw my life away
But it's still my life
My choices
It's still me suffering
The consequences
I created this mess
I created these problems
I pushed everyone away
In attempt to destroy myself
Now there's no one left
No one to pick up the pieces
No one but me

Author notes

Originally I had one long poem that was sort of kinda connected but it seemed like it they were separate poems forced together. So I separated them and revised each so that they both have a concise meaning rather then contradictory and confusing ideas thrown together in one super long piece. After revising this one to fit one clear(er) meaning I understand what it's saying. What the words were trying to tell me. It can be interpreted any way at all (the words own me I don't own them) but what I thought about while writing it actaully while I was revising it, while I was writing I was thinking about so many different things, while I was revising I was thinking about substance abuse and self-destructive behavior. What it can do. Several things going on with this girl are alcohol and drugs clouding her judgment and her issues with cutting and other self-destructive things. And a negative self image.