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The Crickets' Chirp

The chirp of crickets soothes the night
  With soft strange tunes that hum and sigh;
Commingled with the fading light,
The chirp of crickets soothes the night
And speeds the day upon its flight
  While some sweet darkness lingers nigh;
The chirp of crickets soothes the night
  With soft strange tunes that hum and sigh -
That tremble in the golden height;
The chirp of crickets soothes the night,
Rising among the branches bright
  To charm the stars that thickly lie -
The chirp of crickets soothes the night
  With soft strange tunes that hum and sigh.











Author notes

posting this after spending a long time trying to get it to sound how I wanted. . .and decided this was as good as it was going to get. . .although I may make another version some time. . .

the form is a triolet sonnet, which is like the triolet, obviously, only extended so there are fourteen lines: ABaAabABaAabAB, where the capital letters are the repeats





A contest entry

please tell me honestly what you think. . .

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Little Lesley
    August 28

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    It's a lovely poem! I really loved the rhyme. You are great at poetry - I can feel it! You have a real talent!
    Good Luck~!
    ♥~Little Lesley~♥


  • lianonsidhe silver member
    August 3

    Edit | Reply
    What a lovely poem and in a perfectly delightful form!
    I love the spiralling way the refrain lines are woven around each other, just like a fugue in music. (Mozart wrote lots of those).
    The imagery conjures up a serene evening on a balmy night.
    exquisite!
    Thank you for sharing!
    Lianonsidhe

  • Topnotchsy
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful piece with a wonderful feel.

    My only minor critique was on this line:
    "Rising among the branches bright"

    The meter had me stressing "riSING" which felt a bit awkward. Maybe consider "And rise among the branches bright"

    Just a thought though, and just my humble opinion.

    Beautiful piece.


  • Dark Otter
    May 18
    Edit | Reply

    Geez!

    How does an 18 year old get this good? I felt its beauty before even reading it. You have a powerful voice that mesmerizes.

    It's time to get off your ass and start getting published. This material is at that level. You must start trying some electronic submissions. (Barefoot Muse, Chimaera and others)

    I don't know how it works; I only know that it does.


    • XLadyElinorX
      May 18
      Edit | Reply
      oh thank you thank you, Greg. . . I don't know how it happens, I just do it. . . you really think this is that good, eh? I don't really know anything about publishing poetry, but it seems I should start checking it out. . . Elinor


  • KnightOfTheRose gold member
    May 12

    Edit | Reply
    wow. You did an amazing job on this. "decided this was as good as it was going to get" well I don't think it needs to get better. it's amazing as it is. great write


    -Steve-


  • Amera gold member
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    This is really, really, really good and wonderful to recite aloud. It's sort of a cross between a Kyrielle Sonnet and a Triolet. Unless it's something I don’t recognize. Is this your own form? It's fantastic! I think the trick is to chose a killer repeating line.

    Love,
    Amera♥

  • Eusebius
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    ah, most lulling and most lovely--I do not recognize the form--a superb piece of poetry and don't you dare change a word of it! superb!!!

1 - 8 of 8