Sailing deep into the light,
Having put aside all fears of fright,
Taken away from this horrible night,
Puffed up chest ready for a fight.
Rippling water reflects the past,
Clear shadows of gloom soon will be cast,
No guiding bird wanting to be the last,
Floating through this all much too fast.
Reaching a point of no return,
Dreams of being saved now no concern,
A watchful mind will properly discern,
This heated path shall surely burn.
Author notes
Not too sure how this works out...just sort of played with the words.
Written March 11th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Contest for new March members ~Come Sail Away~ by Barbara.
300 points, ended April 3, 2004, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Playing with words is nothing but a good thing and I hope you play with them some more. In this case you have used the words to manipulate a lovely dream like piece
Take care and good luck in the contest
Hayley x x -
I like how your 'play' with words helped to form this poem. It's interesting and with a little more 'play' could be turned into a short story in rhyme.
Good Entry and thank you
~Von~ -
This is interesting, a thought provoking piece. I like it, it has an ominous feel to it. Nice rhyme and meter! Good luck!
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this is a nice entry...well written...nicely worked!!...good luck in the contest!..hugs..leanne xx
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I, like Barbara, had the feeling that more needed to be said. Or could be rather. Its good as it is and I think you did an excellent job with rhymes/meter/flow. I enjoyed reading
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CookieZeal, Yes I did mean Bundled. Thanks for pointing that out. For some reason the spell check missed it, and so did I.
Thanks everyone for all the encouraging words. -
Very appropriately written with the style of painting! Good timing for the most part on the rhyme. I like the resolved ending. This would do well with the captioning of such a ship.
*Did you mean "Bundled" on the title??
Good word play! Thank you for entering and welcome to this special site! Warmly, CookieZeal
Edited on Mar 12 because ''. -
Hmm don't think I want to be on that trip! Sounds scary!
Good Luck!
Lakota x -
Playing with the words is one of the best ways to get things sorted out and written down.
This reads like the precursor to a wonderful tale. The rhyming is good, and the feeling is sort of eerie.(Getting sort of a "Pirates Of the Caribbean" feel here). If you add more to this, let me know so I can come back to read it. It's good the way it is, and I like it, but it seems (to me) that there is a lot left unsaid in the words.(it's sort of hard to explain what I mean by that.)
Thanks for entering this.
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