What I did today.
What I did today is not a suicide attempt, it's not a cry for attention. It's an escape from everything awful occurring around me. When I cut, I'm in control. I make my pain, and I can stop it whenever I want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other pain comes back, its weaker. Drugs have that same effect, and sex too, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting.
I needed to cut for the cut itself, for the delicate severing of capillaries, the transgression of veins. I needed to cut like the way your lungs scream for air when you swim the entire length of the pool underwater in one breath. It was a craving so organic it seemed to have arisen from the skin itself. Imagining the sticky-slick scarlet trails of my own blood soothed me.
And when the blood flow had diminished, and my razor put aside, I felt at ease. I didn't stop because I got bored, or someone made me. No, I stopped cutting only because the need for it had run its natural course, like the fever the body mounts to fight off infection, that subsides when the danger is past.
My fever is gone, but it will return,
and when it does, it may prevail.
Author notes
Samantha Marie
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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something i also wanted to say. it is an sensitive subject. i feel no plea for attention when i read your poem. it was more of a way to better understand what cutting really does for you. some honestly do cut for attention. but some cut to relieve. i just smoke a lot of kush. lol. But again great job.
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thank you that means alot :-)
you give really good comments lol
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You are an amazingly talented writer. I can feel every emotion. see the detail in the cut. like my pulse quickens as i draw the blade closer to my eager flesh. was what i felt when i read. Great write doll.
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Thank you! :-)
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Very eye opening, cutting is something allot of people simply donot understand. People misunderstand self-masochism far too often, which is good that you wrote this. But explain this (btw im not callin' you out or nothin' this is legit). If this wasn't for attention then why are you broadcasting it? I mean, I don't feel sorry for you, if your trying to get people to feel your pain, or have pity or whatever? What do you care if other people know you're a cutter.
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Thank you for understanding...
and it really isn't for attention. This poem is just expressing my feelings. If you would rather me not share it with you then just say so and I will delete it if you would like.
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love it... cutting is not the answer thats true.. but its hard to stop when u start.. <3 love this poem!!
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I agree with you completely...
I know cutting isn't the way to go but it's hard to stop.
Finally someone that understands
Thank you
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i will tell you this once and only from personal experience: cutting is not the answer.
cheer up.
<3 wesley -
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Thanks Wesley
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this poem really touched me because i can really relate to it...amazing job
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Thank you.
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