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a semester's worth of things on my floor

walls shed their posters
and left a little bit of tape in their wake
that i’ll have to scrape real hard
to remove.
---
dark , bulky hefty bags are tied loosely
and placed in random corners,
        they’re black and suspicious-looking, like you'd see on the opening scene of law and order, where a witness finds a dismembered body in a trash bag, under the monkey-bars or something.

the bags just hold clothes, though.
and i think i have too many.
---




everything is on the floor, scattered carelessly,
where i could easily trip.

goodbye -

Author notes

& now i should probably pack, eh?

as always, i'm never sure about anything until i get feedback. so, suggest away. i'm always glad to hear what you all have to say.

A contest entry

tell me about it, stud ---

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • OurxBeginning
    May 12

    Edit | Reply
    I liked how this was so random. I must say, I adore the Law & Order reference. A very good point with the black bags, haha. Very nice. Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • etoile
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    I thought I commented this already :\
    I love how you're able to write such unique pieces about everyday life things. and the imagery in the first line is amaazing.

    the italics are my favourite part; the 'or something' at the end adds such a careless / whatever tone to it. I can't explain haha.

    but this is wonderful


  • Candy Morphine
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    walls shed their posters
    -i cannot imagine if that happened. i have a fairly big room and every inch is covered in posters, so if they fell i would be like suffocated by faces

    that i’ll have to scrape real hard
    to remove.
    -i hate that :/

    the bags just hold clothes, though.
    and i think i have too many.
    -if i had to explain how your brilliant your poetry is, i'd have no problem. but if i had to explain why, i;d be stumped. your documentation of little things are so stunning i think my eyeliashes fall off my lids, begging to be yours.


    • sharptooth
      May 11
      Edit | Reply
      thank youu <33.

      i hate scraping the tape too. cos if i don't get it off, they fine me. wtf.


  • redbird
    May 11
    Edit | Reply
    (in their wake)---> nix this.

    i like it.


  • notorious gold member
    May 10

    Edit | Reply
    "a semester's worth of things"
    That has such an element of time in that bit of your title...

    S1 is so effortless...I rather fancy the personification as well.

    "suspicious looking" <==hyphen?

    "and i think i have too many."
    I like that in its new line break like an afterthought.

    I trip even when there is no good reason to.

    ;
    Jessica.


    • sharptooth
      May 10
      Edit | Reply
      i concur about the hyphen\
      i trip all the time, too, haha. i'm not very balanced.

1 - 10 of 10