I'm so lost, so alone and so afraid
As I lay in the mess I've made
Letting slip another day
Wondering what I could say
To find my way
Back to you
Back to me
As I try to understand, just who I am
I close my eyes and see your hand
I try to reach out with my mind
In the hope that I can find
My way
Back to you
Back to me
I've lost my grasp, on who I am
Reality, took you from me
So I dream another day away
Knowing that I can not stay
I need to find my way
Back to you
Back to me
Confused, frustrated, scared, I fear
I've lost the only piece of me
That I could comprehend
I feel like this could be the end
Unless I find my way
Back to you
Back to me
Author notes
Work in progress, first new post for a while, all feedback appreciated.
Honestly, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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"i lost a piece of me in you. I think i left it in your arms"
miss you -
it's good! All of your writes are good. A song... sad.
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shoot you still go it my friend. I could here the beat in my head as I read what you said. keep it up hope to here the finish product in a song.
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Lovely write! I haven't seen anything from you in ages! This is great! Is it a song? Because it has the feel to it. It's very honest and heartfelt. I like that. Well done and welcome back!
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker Who Lost All
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great work!!
I think you did a really good job. It has a nice flow, and I think it's very honest and to the point. I hope things work out for you. Keep up the excellent work. You have such a knack, and gift for writing. Take care!! Jani
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great read loved the poem....
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I love it, I think you still got it, you seem to be fueled most by pain, which sucks but what comes from it is brilliant.
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Dan, you have no idea how glad I am to read something by you again. I still have (and treasure) some mp3 files of you reciting your work to music. As I am reading this one, I can "hear" your voice - or rather your voices, your two distinct timbres, the first piercing and pleading, the second quiet and reflective.
If anyone should look at your work and imagine, because they see easily-captured rhyme, that it is in any way facile, then they are missing the point of your work. They need a chance to hear you. If I told them "think Rap", that wouldn't do it either - your stuff has much more subtlety, the tension and drama is in the delivery, not in the jackhammer blow of each line's final word (as it would be in rap).
I love the way you mine emotion from deep down, and present it with a kind of take-it-or-leave-it honesty. Although you do not shock, your poetry is still raw in that respect.
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awh
Sounds as though you lost someone and wonder why . Awh, it's filled with your emotion and a flawless rhyme that's with held through out. Yet another fab poem .
Keep it up!
Hannah
x
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