.
The kiss held resentment and steamed with lust,
your shirt a cotton barrier from allowing me into your heart.
For every moment we spent together,
the deeper I fell into the ocean of attachement
I could tell you wanted the current to carry me away;
I guess I wanted to be carried away too,
just to see if you would rescue me.
.
So stepped foot into the ocean,
the water cool on my skin, just like your kisses.
Kisses, they brought the butterflies out of their cocoons
and allowed them to fly freely in my stomach.
With each step I could feel my self sewing our heart together,
my body craving your touch, just wanting to dance the tango
with your lips one more time.
.
The light turned on in my brain; how you were leading
me deeper into this ocean full of sharks and their
teeth coated in heartbreak, just wanting to
puncture my skin; maybe even a artery.
With currents of abandonment just pulling me deeper
into this mess I waded myself into.
And god began to cry salt water tears, for I allowed myself to drown,
and you allowed yourself to wait on shore and say
'sorry baby; I got scared.'
A contest entry
- The rain is gods tears for us. by blood.stained.tears.
400 points, ended May 11, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES THAT HAVE WON BRONZE OR SILVER ONLY by liquidmindforever.
400 points, ended May 31, 99 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
RULES
You've omitted following two of them.
If you edit in time, IM with TITLE & CONTEST NAME
then, I'll read
Until then
best wishes,
liquid -
beautiful. I loved how it kind of lead up to the end but it didn't really explain it until it happened then you were like wow! it was wonderful i loved it.
-
.... uh WOW. That was freaking amazing! Like actually. So beautifully described in creative ways. I liked the butterfly part.
"Kisses, they brought the butterflies out of their cocoons
and allowed them to fly freely in my stomach."
Extra super fabulous
Kat
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The flow of this narrative works well, shows improvement. While this does a good job of invoking pathos, some trimming of excess and s and the s would strengthen it further. best of luck. write on!
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