Mother's Day Special

My heart is not a place mat
You can step on when it’s wet outside
My dreams are something that you can’t even
Begin to deny
Because I am the seed of you
The blood running through you
Also runs through me
And I show something that the world can barely see.
I am the voice inside my head
I am the voice inside my head
I am the voice inside my head telling myself
That I am so much better off dead
Because no one wants to be with me
And no one wants to be like me
So why bother when there is no one waiting on the other side?
I don’t write to make you happy
No I don’t write to make you famous
No I don’t write to give you a good name
I write for the pain to go away
For the hurt to go away
For the tears to go away
That is why I write.
I write so my words can be read
And my voice could be heard
I write to tell people about how hard dying is
When it comes to someone you really really love
And you try to move on with your life
You try to win the fight,
But grieve takes over and it’s only a matter of time
Before it’s your turn to go Home.
I want you to take a look inside of me Mama
And see if you don’t see you.
I treat people the way I do
Because I watched you do it
And I watch you grow
Into someone I never wanted to be,
But because you took the chance to leave
I thought someone should fill your space.
I could never talk to you because nothing
Positive would come out your mouth
I was always called FAT or UGLY
every time I walked passed you in the house.
I had low self-esteem for years
Because in the back of my mind
You was always right
And I didn’t want to go against your word
Because mother knows best.
Well if you knew best Mother
I wouldn’t be hurting inside
And if you knew best Mother
You would have never left me behind
And if you knew best Mother
Those painful words would have never left your mouth
And if you knew best Mother
I wouldn’t love and hate you.
I dealt with this pain since I was a child
And it’s even crazy to me how I raised myself.
Sure daddy was there,
But only when you wanted him to be.
I remember when you told me I wouldn’t see my dad until I hit eighteen.
You broke my heart again that day
And I thought killing myself was the only way to get away from you,
But now I see that you’re not worth it anymore.
You’re not worth the tears I endured over the years
And because I know that you’re not right
I have nothing to fear
Because I chewed your words and I spit them out
To show you that I AM SOMEBODY
And I will become SOMEONE.
My words will be read
And my voice will be heard
Someone is with me
And someone wants to be like me.
I am not like you anymore
I am moving on and I am so much stronger
Than what you can see with your eyes
And just because you left
Here’s your special mother’s day surprise.
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed getting it out
Happy Mother’s Day to you
I hope this time I made you cry.