moonrise
black silk slips off white shoulders
a geisha smiles
black silk slips off white shoulders
a geisha smiles
Author notes
GEISHA_lrg-187x250.jpg
contempoary haiku pivot fragment/phrase
In a list
- Haiku Senryu And Tanka group list • next in list
- A Seasonal Heart group list • next in list
A contest entry
- CONTEST 1: Capture Asia by archilagan.
470 points, ended June 1, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Kevin's Haiku Contest! Win a 1 month silver membership by Kevin.
900 points, ended June 24, 79 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - YOUR GOLD WINNING HAIKUS by Swan song.
700 points, ended August 28, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Form Poetry --- II by rinzurajan.
700 points, ended November 1, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
this is a work in progress,constructive comments
Comments
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amazingly written !
i'm struck my how talented you are. -
thats beautifully done...lovely imagery...
good luck -
I think haiku is a difficult form. Clearly its a talent for you. A brilliant picture you've created with so few words. No wonder its won so many trophies!
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Amazing...
Again, I am struck by your talent for such a challenging form. You are definitely one to watch.
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ah a shy grin and humble thanks
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excellent~
Beautiful sweetie
Just flows so smooth
Congrats on the Gold trophy as well
Have been sick from chemo and not been online much
I just posted a new one come on over
Love ya
Your sis
Susan~~~
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oh my friend
cancer is a plague upon us, I am right beside you, been there bought the tee shirt, going next month for another bonemarrow biopsy, write any time we can bouy each other up
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Well maybe it's a haiku, maybe it's not. But whether it is or no, I still liked it. It reminded me of a somewhat interesting encounter I once had with a bird in Manila.
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thank you again, it is haiku, contemporary, well haiku/senyru which is permitted in modern English forms glad you liked it
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I think ive commented on this before...and it still is the kind of sensual senryu I love to read and write...
lovely lovely my dear
congrates on the cup....agian
mal
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This is nicely done and beautifully seductive I enjoyed this every much Thank you for entering
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my humble thanks
have been ill just recovering so nice to come home to two shiny thingies
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This is a beautiful Haiku, presenting a lovely image. Way to go......
~walk in peace~ -
Stunning senyru!
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my humble thanks
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Beautifully Inspirational!!
Congratulations on all your well-deserved trophies!! 
Peace & Hugs,
xx Cyn xx
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beautiful photo and the poem was brilliant I loved this then again when do I not love your work. Every time you write something im excited. GREAT JOB!!!!
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ah you are my most adoring fan, thank you for your kind words
not feeling well today, going to lay down for a bit, then I will read more of your work,, -
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hope you feel better soon
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Wow, nice take on the prompt. Lovely imagery. I am not so good at Haiku's yet it appears as though you have a pretty good handle on it.
Black silk slips off white shoulders, this is the perfect line here as geisha are so white and pure and the contrast of the black slip falling is wonderfully penned and the image so strong. Very nice write. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck in the contest.
Leance L
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thank you my friend!
this was the ed result of days or reworking by Slave Master Myron, his haiku class is well worth taking
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excellent~
Oh
I love this sweetie
And look at the trophies someone else loves it besides me
I just posted a new one come on over
Hugs
Susan~~~
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my humble thanks and a grin
will check it out hugs
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Lovely haiku. Reader has strong images that match this wonderful prompt. Excellent pen
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thank you my friend!
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cool
the less the more.....great
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my humble thanks and a grin
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Hi Drag aine
Congrats again. This is certainly a winner.
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my humble thanks and a grin
thank you Lee your xommwnr are dear ro me
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A beaut piece of sensuality,perfect for the picture
and congrats on the silver
Bea
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my humble thanks and a grin
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Congratulations on the silver with this very nice work!
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my humble thanks and a grin
haiku on my friend
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Congrats on the Silver Sis. This is excellent.
Mariana
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my humble thanks and a grin
I am stunned
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It's beautiful.
Simple and sensual and indeed very very beautiful.
It captures the imagination of reader.
Thanks for sharing.
All the best in the contest.
-Swati
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my humble thanks and a grin
your ind words re much appreciated
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lovely, and I could really picture it. I somehwat wished for a longer first line, though not sure what else could add to it.
perhaps "black silk slipping off white shoulders". or even leaving the removal to the mind - 'black silk against white shoulders. white skin, black silk leaving?
a full moon rising
white shoulders, black silk leaving
my geisha smiles
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thanks for the comment
this was a month long work in progress with Myron, please forgive me , but it is going to stay this way, I have two versions the one I posted and this one that I passed Myrons class with
moonrise -
black silk slips
from a geisha's shoulder
the aim was to show a moonrise with clouds drifting off, thanks for the suggestions , black silk leaving is nice,but ing words are so I am told to be avoided, struggled with this one for a long time, and will leave it as written.
thank you for commenting
Annie
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Very, very nicely penned! You captured the geisha quite well! An artist penning a piece about an artist! tee hee. Thanks for entering this into my contest!
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my eyes are smiling
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This is wonderful work. Its stunning really. Congrats on the gold and good luck with the rest!
peace
Cassie
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my humble thanks thank you, many hours of hard work, I appreciate you thoughtful comments and generous applaus
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Hi Drag aine
Congratulations on the gold. Vivid imagery.
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my humble thanks and a grin dear Lee
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Couldn't get any better
This is a true masterpiece - keep it up, this is fantastic.
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my humble thanks and a grin
the result of hours of blood sweat and tears, thank you
Draig
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They say a haiku is not finished until you have chosen the fewest words and the best words to paint your image. You have done that to perfection with this lovely write.
Well done! ~Eric
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my humble thanks and a grin
thank you, this was perhaps the mist difficu;t few words I have ever written
I thank Myron for his extreme patience! -
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I can relate to that.
I have spent weeks on just one haiku... -
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yes I know
the hardest part is knowing when to leave it alone, !
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Asia captured and how!
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grin!
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Below is a previous comment
had I known this fine piece was to be competition. I would have stayed home on this contest. I believe this is one of your finest. -
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oh pishaw! is that how you spell it>but thanks a million my friend!
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Simply Brilliant
great piece thanks a million for sharing
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my humble thanks and a grin
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sensual and yummy well deserved gold
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my humble thanks and a grin
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Beautiful
The images in this ku are stunning. I even like the alliteration - subtle and sensuous.
Beautiful! Congrats on the gold trophy!
- joanne -
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my humble thanks and a grin
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Congratulations on winning the gold trophy. This is a very elegant and eloquent little piece that is really quite exquisite.
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my humble thanks and a grin
many heaaches endured by Myron over this one, ther were about five versions but the end result I am very happy with, thank you for your kind words and generous appaluse!
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Excellent! Congrats on the Gold! It was hard earned, but the product is worth the effort. Two distinct images in juxtaposition! Well done, dear!
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grin
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It's going to be a lovely night. Very nice.
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much blood sweat and tears, getting it to Myron's standards, I join you now as the next graduate, we are a small club of very stubborn writers
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well, congrats!!!!! Yes Myron is a task master. Just wait until you start advanced with Don!!!! A lot slower response times tho, however that leaves lots of time to arrange and re-arrange. gl in this. Gary
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grin and a blush
yes submitted first class lesson, gulp. the more I fought Myron the less I learned, finally I seemed to get it, and then the lessons flew, long way from the haiku game on the pond grin
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The haiku invokes a great image in my head. Great write! Good luck!
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my humble thanks and a grin
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very sensual! Excellent ku.
Best,
El
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my humble thanks and a grin
struggled through Myrons class, graduated today Woot thanks for the kind words
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excellent~
Sensual,seductive, and sultry
A wonderful haiku..........
Hugs
Susan~~~
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my humble thanks and a grin
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sultry
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my humble thanks and a grin
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so sensual
This to me are black clouds unveiling the moon.
To make a suggestion is to change the haiku completely, but I will anyway -- just for your consideration. What about red silk?
very fine haiku
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my humble thanks and a grin
no ,o changes it is the clouds and the moon, red would mak no snese to e, but tthank you anyway
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i like it alot.the words go along very well
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Thank you my friend
I appreciate your kindness
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Ah . . . and I smile back . . .
Marc -
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my humble thanks and a grin
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a very nice haiku. very pointed and seductive. nice contrast w/the black silk and white shoulders!!
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my humble thanks and a grin
glad you like it and took the time to comment, it means allot . This one was a struggle this is not the last version which actually ended up as
moonrise -
black silk slips
from a geisha's shoulder
which do you think is better
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Beautiful! I think this is your most successful integration of Tanka and Haiku: Maybe you have broken new ground with this Taiku (or should it be Hanka?).
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my humble thaks and a grin
new ground yes it just might be my most annoying an much loved cirtic
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ah i was wondering when my cleaning lady woudl arrive, forget the cleaning though! a good poem, soft and sensual
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my humble thanks and a grin
ah ha very poor housekeeper I would be, better as courtesan perhaps, or barn cleaner, oh well we all can not be Florence Henderson
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I am not familiar with this form, but it is beautiful here. I like how each line makes me stop and think, and then move gently to the next. You sketch with words so well. The AN was interesting but not essential, since the poem is complete in itself. Lita
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my humble thanks and a grin
ah Haiku very interesting, it is rally hard, this actually went through so many revisions ad this was not the final version for the class, it gets you to think in a different way, in Tanka it is must more expansive and elastic, thank you so much for your continued support!!
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No revisions...
necessary for this write if the picture is your prompt.
This write is so quietly descriptive, without the photo the picture could be sketched.
Well done Annie.
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my humble thanks and a grin
ison,his is about the tenth revidopm hopethis one dinally works, the prompt was a sundrt.moontidr
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A very sensual write! I have been struggling with this style myself... Coincidentally, I recently tried writing one about a geisha but it didn't quite work LOL.
This is good though
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um this is about my 10th try
on the same write, it is worth it ti keep at it, just be stubborn, thanks for the encouragement, if I flunk this one again I will need it
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you do do this from oh so well
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my humble thanks and a grin
I have been working hard, Myron is a hard master, bit my form has improved from the ku games in the pond!, thank you for stopping by,miss you my old friend
Draig
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Such a powerful piece, Auntiee and what a lovely picture! Awesome work here. Keep penning, my great Aunt. Thanks so much for sharing.
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< Thank you my brilliant nephew
MAWA
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