Final Tally hits the floor.
Noise is Silence, to be heard never more.
Crazed felony in his eyes;
Come, sprite - the Taker of Lives.
Evil cannot be recompensed
for nothing measures the slaughter of innocents.
A wrong deed done wrong are their faults
and rumours of hope are alluring taunts.
Shadowed ink to fly away,
a hidden cloud near the window pane.
I doubt he'll miss a second time...
Nowhere to run...no luck to hide.
They are not so easily deceived.
The truthful ones will loath your greed,
to deal with death one must remember:
your foolish requests will not be taken so tender.
The ache runs deep through pools of blood
mixed too bright with steel and mud.
Surrendered soul to the fire
but consciousness still strives behind all desires.
A job is nothing, just for play.
Only a life artfully lost is not a disgrace.
The best will be blamed for every scream;
'the skills of the night will bring and end your suffering.'
His shadows hide a sallow face
ghosts of ghosts beginning their complaints,
eyes are ears strained past the yards
anxious voices his only guards.
His breath, my breath!, a villain again,
no mortal man could dare face me and win!
His terror is only the paths he takes,
unravelling threads that I will one day forsake.
His vision blurred, not tears, he swears...
and my own regret but blasphemous prayers.
An ending of the nights' Wrath
stained hands are all that’s kept.
Nothing stops His screaming mind
the cuts too deep through his own kind.
I stare at the wall without hope left...
two ashened souls fighting in one shallow dent.
Author notes
((Wasn't sure what I was meant to do..-.- sorryyyyyyy!))
::Contest Prompt::
I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on
~~~Duality by SlipKnot.~~~
((haha, by the way Cyril ^^ thank you! XD I dont usually like this type of music, but i liked this song XD well, most of it >.< 
))
A contest entry
- If I Could Collapse The Masses... by Cyril Huntinghawk.
800 points, ended June 7, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost Anything by piccola.
550 points, ended June 22, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Good, some rhythm suggestions
This is pretty good over all but I noticed some spots where the rhythm is thrown off a little bit:
"your foolish requests will not be taken so tender."
"but consciousness still strives behind all desires."
Seem to have too many syllables to me. It throws of the natural rhythm.
The ending is strong but I think the beginning is a little lacking.
Overall, really nice. Thanks for posting!
-
Fantastic. Theme, mood, application are well constructed. My only critique is the length and the uneeded punctuations. I believe you could merge this into 5 stanzas given the many items.
If nothing above, consider JUST the punctuation.
Overall, worth a tweaking. Thank you! Warmly, CookieZeal
**Congratulations on the Gold**.
-
congrats on the earlier gold. Thanks for taking the time and trouble to enter.
-
No problem, when I get teh points I shall make another.
They are not so easily decieved.
The truthful ones will loath your greed,
to deal with death one must remember:
your foolish requests will not be taken so tender.
That. Was the most epic stanza ever. Though some work could be done to shorten the last line in it, because it gives it more flow. ^__^ But thats what I think.
Steph, you did a great job. ^__^ Thanks for entering in the contest!
- Cyril Huntinghawk
P.S: Sorry about the short comment, but I'm in school.
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