what is regret?
regret is wanting to shove yourself small enough to fit in the spaces of lazy grins just so you could be remembered smiling. regret is constellations dripping down your wrists just to remind you something bigger still exists, somewhere. there are men with snakes for eyes; slithering too far back and they cannot remember what it felt like to see. regret is becoming one of them.
regret is knowing you will not be able
to take back what ran him dry.
--
ten years ago, i would clasp little hands tight to keep them from shaking.
i would kneel by my creaky bedframe that was rusting close to my breath and i would stare at the sky in attempt to catch the attention of someone i couldn't see.
i would pray to a man named jesus that daddy would love me enough to leave me alone. i'd pray that i'd be dead in the morning, or that he would leave so i didn't have to.
he never did.
maybe i did not speak clearly. maybe my hands weren't at the right angle or my eyes weren't shut tightly enough.
whatever the reason,
i stopped believing in 'daddies'.
--
five years ago.
my little brother had coins for eyes that day,
clanging too sharply and advertising how he trusted in God even though his surroundings were tightly whispering for him to abandon.
we were sitting in the yard pulling grass out from the earth just to feel the tension in our hands. he turned to me softly, eyes reflecting off the sky and young bones breaking under his own words.
"why do you think he hurts us?" he whispered.
i felt myself fraying-
my jaw getting stuck on the hinge and my stomach climbing the staircase of my spine.
"i don't know, christian. what do you think?" i felt myself choking on my metallic words.
he looked down for a minute reflecting on the wording of what he was going to say.
"i think he hurts us because he doesn't remember how to hurt himself."
we both looked at the sky; facing memories of kneeling by a cheap bedframe and begging to no longer be chained to something less than ourselves.
--
not long ago.
i am being held up my pieces of myself.
there are words, there are marks.
there is purple, there is blue.
and suddenly, nine words slips past bleeding lips and bleeding lungs and it was then that i came to know regret.
they still resound off of these shaking walls-
living on behind our eyes and forgetting their meaning,
a second before
i'd forgotten mine.
Author notes
nine words are enough to leave you raw.
if*ckinghateyouiwishyouweredead.
A contest entry
- emotion illness - ROUND THREE. by stasis.
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What's your constructive criticisms and thoughts on my poem?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Emotion: 20/20
Spelling and Grammar: 10/10
Effectiveness of Title, Beginning and Ending: 8/10
Personal Opinion: 8/10
Creativity/Originality: 8/10
Relevance to Prompt Given: 10/10
Imagery/Metaphor/Poetic Devices: 9/10
Structure: 4/5
Diction: 5/5
Line-breaking/Flow: 4/5
Impact: 4/5
OVERALL SCORE: 90/100
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Emotion: 20/20
Spelling and Grammar: 10/10
Effectiveness of Title, Beginning and Ending: 8/10
Personal Opinion: 8/10
Creativity/Originality: 8/10
Relevance to Prompt Given: 10/10
Imagery/Metaphor/Poetic Devices: 9/10
Structure: 5/5
Diction: 4/5
Line-breaking/Flow: 5/5
Impact: 5/5
OVERALL SCORE: 92/100 -
I really like the way that this opens with a question, it really caught my attention and made me think about what came after and what I thought regret was myself
I loved the "snakes for eyes" image, it is such a masculine/ blinding thought - and I liked the way that you set it up the ending was heartcrushing, and I really enjoyed reading this poem 
Polly
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& & && u also rote it frum ur sowl.
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thnks swapeeburd lyked it 2
n ya it waz strait frum the soll
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:[
dis is sew gud & && u writed it frum da hart.
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this is fucking brilliant. i wish i could quote but i'm about to go to sleep. i might visit again tomorrow to do so, though, so watch out. :]
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i'd love that. <3
goodnight dear.
and thank you so much, it really means alot coming from you. :]
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the title is just gorgeous and caught my attention.
regret is constellations dripping down your wrists just to remind you something bigger still exists, somewhere
-i love the profound diction to this part. also, the imagery is kinda stunning.
there are men men with snakes for eyes;
-'men men'?
i would pray to a man named jesus that daddy would love me enough to leave me alone. i'd pray that i'd be dead in the morning, or that he would leave so i didn't have to.
-this is so sad. i love the way you downplay jesus, and the way the last sentence reads.
he looks down for a minute reflecting on the wording of what he's going to say.
-that's such a perfect explanation of what people deep in thought look like.
"i think he hurts us because he doesn't remember how to hurt himself."
-oh my dear gosh, you broke me with that.
not long ago.
-that's a really good way to set the scene.
a second before
i'd forgotten mine.
-ahmazing ending.
this poem is most definitely fabulous. the emotion is very potent and the reading is not overtly complex, so it is very much enjoyable. i love the ease you write with. i always admire it
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thank you so much dear! <3
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so far, beautiful. the first part is so sad and touching & the second has amazing imagery.
can't wait to read the finished product. :] -
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i think it's donnee.
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